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As someone said in the comments a few days ago, another source of business is church. This comes in three flavours or a mix of them:
- Feeling you have to be at church every time the doors are open. I have a friend who says Jesus did not come that we might “Have meetings and those more abundantly.” I’m all for worship, prayer, fellowship, discipleship, Bible study, small groups, and so on and so forth, but too many programs and meetings is too many no matter how worthy each one may be. When frequent church meetings hurt your family or your marriage, you are NOT in line with God’s Word. Please don’t let anyone guilt you into attending things to which you should say no. You, not those guilting you, will answer to God for how you use your time.
- Doing too much ministry. I love to minister, especially when I see God use it to change lives, and honestly it can be addictive. Some minster “too much” out of fear, guilt, pride, or because they are manipulated into it. I’ve known youth minsters who didn’t have time for their own children, and marriage minsters whose marriages were in deep trouble. God is clear we’re neither qualified nor allowed to minister if we lack good relationships with our spouse and children. I’m not saying you have to be perfect to minster, but if there are significant problems, you need to scale back or stop ministry until things get better.
- It’s your job. Those of us paid to minster can misjudge the proper priority for ministry because it is both ministry and employment. If you have those two things as, say, fourth and fifth place on your priority list, do not think the two being the same elevates it to third place? It’s still fourth and fifth.
We should minister because we love God, not to prove we love Him. Our relationship with God and our ministry are related, but they’re not the same thing. The fact that God is first does not mean ministry trumps all other activities and responsibilities.
Leaders: PLEASE do not allow your people to do too much church or ministry. I’m not just saying don’t overwork them, I am saying don’t allow them to do too much. We have a responsibly to God for those He places in our care, and if we allow them to do too much, we will answer for it.
Church members: Don’t be guilty of trying to push your pastor and other leaders to do more than they should. Most church members have no idea what a pastor’s life is like, and how much pressure they face. A few stats (from the New York Times – August 1, 2010):
- 33% of pastors say being in ministry is a hazard to their families.
- 40% of pastors, and 47% of pastor’s spouses, are suffering from burnout or being excessively busy.
- More than half say they would leave the pastorate if they had a good job offer elsewhere.
- 80% of pastors say they do not have enough time with their spouse.
- 90% work more than 50 hours a week.
The vast majority of pastors are overworked, underpaid, stressed, and grossly under-appreciated. You can make a difference for your pastor, and your pastor’s family. Fight for your pastor to have enough pay, enough help, and enough off time to have a healthy family life.
[This post first appeared July 1, 2012.]
Image Credit: © lembrechtsjonas | stock.adobe.com
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A phrase I use to help husbands and ministers is “Don’ts sacrifice your family, on the altar of work”.
Sure work is important, yet it can interfere with your first earthly priority your wife or the second earthly priority, your kids.
Paul, ever since you and Lori spoke for us at our Wednesday Bible class concerning “stop being too busy”, that has become a point in our coaching and teaching.
Thank you for your wisdom and help to married couples!
I have great respect for several of the leaders I once served under or otherwise worked with in some capacity. One of those leaders for whom I have more respect even than most of those is partly because she paid that close of attention to her subordinates, what was going on with us, and whether she needed to step in to prevent just such a mistake. I can recall two instances right away.
On one occasion I had an appointment with the eye doctor and they dilated my pupils. I had a lot of work to do and I returned to work though I could barely read. She noticed that I had my computer zoomed way in and stopped to find out why I was working like that. When I explained the situation, she immediately overrode my decision to work through the situation and took responsibility for work that might end up late because of it.
The other one is more to the point. When my wife and I were going through some extremely dark days and we both thought we would end up divorced, I really didn’t want to go home and deal with another day of what we were going through. It was rough and depressing. I started staying later at work which meant more productivity. Many bosses would have been happy to let it go on as long as I wanted to do it but this one knew our marriage was coming apart at the seams and, realizing what I was doing, confronted me about it. She straight up asked me if I was working more to hide from my wife and refused to allow it. She knew the situation was less likely to improve like that and that it was unhealthy to bury myself in work to avoid the situation. Though it benefited her for me to work more, she chose to prioritize us and our marriage.
I didn’t fully appreciate it at the time but I am grateful now. My respect for that leader is much higher because of that.