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On Tuesday, I told you to Be Sensitive to the Power of Your Wife’s Habits. Habits can have a huge impact on sex, and it’s a mixed bag.
You and your wife have sexual habits. When you have sex, what you do for foreplay, how you have intercourse, how she gets to climax, and so on. If those habits make sex easier or better, they are good. If they limit sex, they’re a problem.
One common habit is when you have sex. Maybe it’s officially scheduled, maybe it’s not, but you know there are only a couple of days a week when it’s going to happen. Some women find scheduled sex is good for them because they are intentional about saving time and energy. Others look forward to it all day, meaning they get into bed ready and possibly aroused. But scheduling can be a problem if good opportunities to have sex are ignored because it was not scheduled. It can also be an issue if she is unwilling to reschedule when something prevents sex.
How you do foreplay is another common habit area. Some women find it difficult to get aroused unless certain things happen. Similarly, a woman may only be able to orgasm from something specific. If you are fine with these acts, and they work reliably, it’s not a big concern. But if you do just those things for years and then some change makes them difficult or ineffective, finding something new that works will be a major challenge.
A bit of flexibility is a good thing, but it’s also tricky. Asking her to skip what she knows works means she might struggle. Even worse, she might not come despite wanting and needing to do so. Please be understanding of this reality, and tell her you really want to accommodate it. Let her know you will change what you are doing if she asks. Tell her that her pleasure it more important than variety, and you are all about doing what works for her. And never make changes when she is tired, stressed, or struggling with sex.
As I said on Tuesday, don’t ask her to go against her habit without a good reason.
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I love the idea of scheduling sex, but when i brought it up I was immediately shutdown. My wife wanted nothing to do with it. I really think it would help our relationship because currently we only have sex 1 or 2 times a month and i would really like 2 to 4 times a week. I think that i am just stuck where we are at as the more effort i put in the less she feels she needs to do.