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I’m a “messy”. Always have been, always will be. I’ve tried to be less messy for my wife’s sanity, but it’s an effort.
Clutter drives my wife crazy. I don’t see it. I’ve always assumed it doesn’t affect me, or affects me far less, because I don’t register it. Now I have some science to support that, and it points to a gender difference.
A study found that women in cluttered houses had higher levels of cortisol (a hormone associated with stress) and more symptoms of depression. We are also learning that men and women see clutter differently. Men just see it as clutter, but women see it as a sign of personal failure. Additionally, men have a higher threshold for seeing a room as cluttered.
Even scarier, a growing number of psychologist and couple’s counsellors are saying clutter hurts marriages and sex lives! Maybe it’s not affecting you, but if it’s affecting your wife, you’re paying a price for that.
My suggestion is to start with your bedroom. It’s the first and last thing your wife sees each day. It’s also where you have sex. Making it a clutter-free zone should have a very positive effect on your wife, your marriage, and maybe your sex life.
Further reading:
New study reveals 44% of Americans prefer clutter-free house over sex – And 60% said a clean, organised bedroom makes them more likely to have sex.
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Yes. This is a serious problem in our home. Mind you, I’m not a fan of clutter either. I am fan of having what we need where we need it, though, and I am definitely a function over form kind of guy.
Unfortunately, I’m also an out of sight out of mind kind of guy which means that my attempts to clear clutter usually mean that I forget things. I forget to take medications that are cleared away in the medicine cabinet. I get to the car to leave for work and realize that I forgot my keys and am now locked out of both the car AND the house. I get to work and realize that I forgot my lunch or important paperwork or… You get the idea.
These are literally all things that have happened in my attempts to declutter for my poor wife. They don’t usually all happen at once. Typically, I’ll remember whatever I was last thinking about as I tried to focus on not forgetting things. Often the previous thing, too. All too often things get lost in the memory shuffle and I realize I’ve missed one again.
The only solution I have found so far that works for me is to leave the things I need out where I will see them as I’m getting ready. Which…is where the conflict comes into the picture. Put where I can see things is out where she can see them.
She has been doing better about leaving things where I stage them for the morning but it’s a struggle for her. I have gotten out the door before and realized that I was missing something that I had set out the night before only to find out that she had given in to the urge to “put it away”…somewhere. Even though she may be only in the kitchen for a couple of minutes before going to bed and wont return to it until after I leave for work, that empty lunch box or pull organizer on the counter is just too much sometimes.
It’s a little humorous or would be if I didn’t get to work sans lunch and realize that I hadn’t taken my morning medication. Well, it still kind of is but the headaches the medication keeps at bay make it a bit less funny in the moment.
Still, I do understand her side of it and I haven’t given up just yet. I just haven’t figured out a good alternative solution that works for both of us. Still working on that.