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Last week I talked about how the Bible shows us God intended married couples to have great sex, and plenty of it. One of the things that gets in the way of this is deciding we don’t deserve good sex, or sex at all. Maybe we don’t think we deserve it ever, or maybe it depends on how good a husband we feel we’ve been recently.
I know some folks have a problem with the word deserve. I figure if God wants it for you, then you deserve it. If saying “should have” helps, go with that.
It’s easy to think we don’t deserve good sex if we have been looking at porn again, or lusting after the new woman at work. We need to deal with those sins, but performance based sex is not what God called us to. It’s also tempting to feel we don’t deserve sex if we’ve been rude or distant. These things certainly will make our wife less interested in sex, but having good sex will generally make it easier to treat our wife as we should.
God is clear He wants us to have sex regularly and enjoy it fully. All kinds of things get in the way of that happening, but none of them change that God wants us to have sex, or that having sex is good for our marriage.
I don’t say any of this so you can use it to get your wife to have sex. This is about your thinking, and moving it to be in line with God’s thinking.
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I can understand why some get hung up on the word “deserve”–it can either foster a sense of entitlement, or in the other extreme an overly egocentric perspective on ones own brokeness.
So, I try to use my sense of brokeness to move me to look towards and focus on God’s love and grace–so in this case, I want to actively seek God’s best for me, in a spirit of grattitude for His grace.
It’s why I love the song “Who Am I” by Casting Crowns:
Not because of who I am
But because of what you’ve done
Not because of what I’ve done
But because of who you are
@Anthony – I have a great acappella cover of that song – and yes they nail it!