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I have, far too slowly, learned that my wife has different tolerances than I have. When I say tolerances, I mean how long she will put up with something, or how bad it has to get before she loses it. In some place she is more tolerant than I am, in others she is less tolerant.
Some of it makes sense. She is willing to go a bit longer without sex than I am, and the difference in our sex drives is a part of that. She will put up with more bad behaviour from some people than I will, because of her personality.
With other things, I can’t tell you why one of us is less tolerant than the other. No doubt much of it comes down to selfishness, sin, and junk from our past. But the bottom line is, we differ on how much we will put up with in many areas.
In some areas we would all do well to be more tolerant, and when it comes to things like sin, there are places where some of us are far too tolerant. But individual tolerance differences between you and your wife are not about right and wrong. They are about you being two different people.
It’s a good idea to figure out where your wife is less tolerant than you are. Knowing when she is about to hit her limit means you can avoid doing that, and can help when others are about to cross her line. Understanding where you will put up with less than her is also a good plan.
One other warning. Some women put up with things not because their tolerance is high, but because they were taught women are expected to put up with things they don’t like. This is a form of abuse, and if your wife has been abused this way, please don’t do more of that to her. If she seems willing to take a lot in some area, it’s possible she hates it but is afraid to say anything. A loving husband makes sure he never takes advantage of such an injury.
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