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Over the last eighteen months, both Lori and I have healed and grown a great deal sexually. We’ve had a good sex life for a long time, but we still both had struggles because of the rubbish we got as children, teens, and young adults.
Lori’s uterine fibroid and the sexual limitations from that, her surgery, and recovery, seem to us to have precipitated the changes. But that was just the trigger. There were years of work that set us up for the tipping point. When it happened, it happened fast, and the changes have been significant.
What we actually do sexually has not changed a great deal. There is a bit more sex, but we were already having plenty of sex, so that change is small. What has changed a lot is our feelings about our own sexuality, each other’s sexuality, and our sex life as a couple. The fear, frustration, worry, doubt, and turmoil are gone. Sex has become easy. Easy to suggest, easy to say yes to, easy to do, and easy to enjoy. Self-imposed sexual limits are gone!
As I look back, I realise that for most of our marriage, my sexual issues were slowing down Lori’s healing and growth. And her issues were slowing my healing and growth. There were things I wanted that I could not internally accept, justify, or enjoy. I was way too worried about being selfish, which limited what I tried or proposed. I’m not talking about wild sex acts I never dared to mention. It was little things, things I knew she was okay with, but was not sure that I deserved right then. Or I was too afraid of interfering with her arousal and messing things up for her.
The freedom we have now is incredible. Yeah, the sex is better, but what’s really great is getting rid of all the negative emotions that surrounded sex for so long.
I share all of this to encourage you. If you seek God about sex, He will answer. If you allow Him to work in you, He will change you. Maybe that means a change in your sex life, and maybe is just means a change in you. But both are good things that make your life and your marriage less painful. And that’s a very good thing.
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This is excellent. It makes perfect sense that God has a plan for us to grow and mature as practitioners of His great gift of sex!
Thank you for this encouraging testimony! Thank the Lord that He loves us SO much!