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What do you think you could learn if your wife felt safe telling you her sexual wants, desires, and fears?
When I say “felt safe” I don’t necessarily mean you’re the problem. Her own fears and upbringing may be the reason she can’t tell you her deepest sexual thought and desires. She might think some of what she feels is wrong. She might feel some of her desires are sinful. And she might think a good man would take issue with some of what goes on in her mind about sex.
Of course, it’s also possible you have given her good reason to fear what would happen is she bared all about sex. And for many it’s a combination of her fears and things he has said or done.
Moving past that, what might you learn if you could convince her it was safe to share?
It’s possible you might hear some things you don’t want to hear. She might confess she fakes orgasm on occasion. Or she might tell you she only does anal because you like it, and it does nothing for her except sometimes hurt. Perhaps fear of hearing such things is part of why you have not helped her feel safe to talk about her sexual wants, desires, and fears.
On the other hand, you might hear some things you really want to hear. She might tell you she loves doing oral on you so much she is concerned something is wrong with her. She might tell you she wants to try sex toys, but has been afraid of what you would think. She could confess to being curious about something you would like to try that you thought she would never go for. Or perhaps she would just tell you that sex with you is awesome, and thank you for all the great orgasms.
Odds are, it would be a mix of things that would thrill you and things you don’t want to hear. But whatever she said, knowing her sexual truth would allow you to make sex better for her. And that would make your sex life stronger and more enjoyable.
How could you help your wife feel safer about talking to you about sex?
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