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Yesterday on The XY Code I said I have finally gotten past feeling my sexuality makes me, or my penis, a monster. And I explained that it took so long not because of my wife, but my own fears and beliefs.
Growing up in this society, it’s rare for a man to make it to his marriage bed without accepting lies about his sexuality. Some men think their sexuality makes them inherently selfish and harmful. Some see their penis as a monster from which they must protect their wife. And most men who think they have a “high sex drive” are really mislabelling what God gave them and wants them to express for both their and their wife’s benefit and pleasure.
The truth is, a young man’s sex drive is a force of nature. And it’s that way because God made us that way. And while it lessens slowly as we age, for most men it remains powerful and urgent. I’m sixty-two, and it’s still that way for me, just slightly less often.
Your wife may have fed into or exposed your pre-existing lies about your sexuality, but that doesn’t make them her fault. Dealing with all our sexual stuff didn’t make my fears and worry go away. As I told the ladies yesterday, they can help you fight the lies, but they can’t do it for you. And you can do it even if your wife is still tied to a lie about your sexuality. What’s more, your own fears may have caused some of your marriage sex problems. Your wife may have picked up on the lie and accepted it because you so clearly thought it was the truth.
The truth is your sexuality, and your penis, are right and good. Wanting to have loving sex with your wife more days than you don’t is also right and good. If you don’t believe these truths, what your wife thinks is irrelevant!
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