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I mention in today’s XY Code post that most women have a superior sense of smell. This little gender difference can cause problems in marriage. She complains about the trash because she smells it. He ignores her because he does not. She doesn’t want to hug him, much less get naked with him, because he stinks. He thinks she is exaggerating or looking for an excuse.
The truth is, she is offended by things you can’t smell, and finds things you do smell to be stronger. This is even truer when she is ovulating or if she is pregnant. Part of being a loving husband is believing this difference is real and doing what you can to prevent your wife from suffering for her stronger sense of smell.
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I read your blog posts DAILY, but on my email, so I hardly ever comment. Just to let you know they are useful and encouraging, and that your audience and influence may be much larger than you realize. I appreciate you two
@João – Thanks for taking the time. What with email, Facebook, and the podcast, the majority of those who read or listen to me never come here.
My wife is certainly a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) and she actually was pretty happy to find out that was really a thing. Smell is certainly a big deal to her and I’ve tried to make accommodations as I can.
@middleman – It is a blessing when your spouse accepts who you are and tries to help make life easier!
I wouldn’t know. :-(
Once when she was out of town, I went on a ketogenic diet. After she returned, we got in the car to go somewhere else. “What’s that stink?!?” I could smell my hands and they smelled like someone who had been handling butter. Certainly not a stink. I think part of the “stink” was that I did it on my own without getting permission from the Queen Narcissist.
I shower with Dr. Bonner’s “18-in-1 Hemp Baby UNSCENTED Pure Castile Soap”. The bathroom with the shower stall is attached to the bedroom where she sleeps. I must use one of those fluffy net “Poofs” to bathe with, because regular washcloths don’t make lather with this soap. After showering, I rinse all the soap out of my poof and hang it from a hook in the shower stall. She used to put it in the garage and hang it from a rack out there. I would have to go to the other end of the house to get that thing whenever I wanted to bathe.
We had been married barely six months when it became obvious that she didn’t want anything to do with me, physically. I told her that I was not going to be one of those guys who begs his own wife for sex. It (our sex life) was up to her. It’s been a pretty “dry” 25 years. Sometimes we go months without anything, and then, only a hand job. I can give her an orgasm in way less than 10 minutes, and then it’s multiples, and sometimes she gives herself one, so I know she gets satisfied. Why wouldn’t she be craving that experience? Once, before we stopped having sex, and I was about 56 years old, she asked if I would want sex so much (once ever 2-3 days) after I turned 60. I took that to mean that she could tolerate the invasion on her space for 4 or 5 more years and then didn’t want to put up with it anymore. Of course, she denies having asked the question.
I sprinkle a little garlic powder on my fried egg in the morning. Sometimes, she rushes to the window over the sink and slide it open about a half-inch. I wonder if she’s expecting the offending garlic molecules to line up and eagerly rush out the crack. She thinks that whatever she does has the intended effect and makes the world a better place to live – for her.
You say, “Bill, why don’t you try talking with her?” I haven’t? Have you tried to talk with a narcissist about their shortcoming? They have none. All I get are rationalizations or denials. And, of course, I’m the one at fault because I’m the EVIL MAN, or I’m intrinsically evil because of my X-Y chromosomes.
Thanks for letting me vent. If you have something that might work, let me know.
@Ol’ Will, im so sorry you’re in this situation. I’m betting your wife has undiagnosed and uncontrolled OCD. I would recommend seeing a licensed professional counselor for the both of you.