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“Given the propensity of human traditions to multiply and block the truth, it is important for believers to be sure that their practice of church is built on the correct foundation.” ~ Jon Zens
Jon was talking about how one “does church” there, but I think he states a basic truth we must remember when dealing with any subject – including sex. Have you ever thought about all the things you’ve been told the Bible says about sex? Have you ever gone to the effort to see if those things are actually in the Bible? Have you examined the “proof texts” people give for sexual limits or “freedoms”, to see if that’s really what those verses mean?
I’ve spent a couple of decades checking what I was taught. I’ve done the same with the multitude of claims I get via email. And I have concluded that much of our “traditional” teachings about sex are at best distortions of what the Bible actually says.
If your sexuality is based on wrong teaching about what the Bible says about sex, then your married sex life is built on a bad foundation. Anything built on a bad foundation is going to have problems, so I strongly suggest a foundation check! What do you and your wife think the Bible says about sex? Can you support those ideas using proper application of scripture? If you had read those verses without someone telling what they mean, would you see in them what you have been told they say? Have you limited something more than God does? Have you allowed something God has limited? Maybe you’ve done some of each!
I’d be happy to discuss specific things in the comments, but I want to leave this open so you and your wife can study and learn together.
[This post first appeared May 26, 2012.]
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This is golden and should be part of all premarital counseling. My wife and I both entered married life with some wrong teaching. We shared most of it, even though our churches weren’t really affiliated in any way. Over the years I have taken a hard look at many of the traditions and teaching we were taught growing up and have found many to be only related to Scripture if you started with “the answer” or tradition before you looked at the verses used to support it. Even then you had to really stretch the possible meaning of the English translation in order to see any support for many of those. Some don’t even have that much support.
Sadly, as I have realized this and adjusted what I believe it has widened the gulf between my wife and I. She doesn’t see the problem with believing most of the bad teaching and traditions we held. She doesn’t see, maybe refuses to see, how the “supporting” verses don’t actually support them. Instead she views me as going astray from the truth and respects my spiritual leadership even less.
How I wish we had learned what I know now before we married. How I wish we had taken a long, hard look at what we believed, whether it was actually Biblically sound, and how the difference of only one believing it would affect the marriage. These things NEEDED to be done before marriage. Every bride to be and husband to be needs to do this.
Truth be told, every believer needs to do this. Doesn’t the Bible even instruct us to work out our beliefs with fear and trembling? Yes, it talks about not abandoning traditions as well but which traditions? Many in the early church grew up with very pagan traditions that they HAD to leave behind. The answer is in the challenge you gave in your post. Compare the teachings and traditions against God’s Word, ALL of the teachings and traditions, and make sure that they aren’t causing us to sin either directly or indirectly. There is zero harm in taking even the most “harmless” and widely accepted teaching or tradition to God and asking Him if it is something we should or even can keep and follow Him. Far too many traditions are accepted without this only to cause great harm.
Excellent post! Thank you for sharing.