Podcast: Download
Subscribe RSS
Our minds like to understand and categorise things, and we do this with people. We figure out who someone is, and put them in a box with a label. Then we move on, and assume they are still in the box, just as we left them. And, of course, we do this with our wife. We want her to be a known quantity, so we put her in a box.
The problem with this is people change. Some changes are small, some are huge. Some take months or year, others happen rapidly.
How long has it been since you checked the box you put your wife in? Odds are she’s no longer there. If she’s not, that means she is not who you think she is. And that means you can’t be giving her what she needs or loving her well.
Ideally, you would stop putting her in a box. But regularly checking who she is works too.
And of course, your wife does the same thing with you. When you change, talk to her about it, so she can update the label on your box!
Image Credit: © pathdoc | stock.adobe.com
Shop Amazon ♦ Shop to give links page
We’re donation supported Thanks for your help!
This post may contain affiliate links, see my disclosure for info.
Excellent advice! People learn, change, and grow. I do try to be open with my wife about myself. However, change is something she hates. If I suddenly ceased to need sleep and was just a boundless ball of energy with a craving to clean the house from top to bottom, do all of the laundry, wash all of the dishes, single-handedly make all of the repairs needed around the house/property, and could miraculously not want sex until she was good and ready, she would be thrilled. Then she would be worried. Then she would be distant as she worried about the other shoe. Granted, such a scenario would naturally raise suspicion in most people since it is so unlikely as to be inherently impossible, which means something must be off. Maybe the energy is fueled by drugs or something. That sort of concern. I used an extreme example to make the point easier to see.
That point is, yes, please do keep up with your spouse as they grow and change. KNOW your spouse. But be aware that sometimes change, even for the better, can be perceived as dangerous and scary. Some people simply don’t like change at all. Some feel the need to be in control and change they didn’t control can really set them off.
It is still good and healthy to change and grow. It is vital to a marriage that each knows the other including their changes and growth. Just be prepared for potential pushback. If we are open and upfront consistently, they should grow accustomed to us growing and keeping them in the loop. It should become the new normal and our relationships will greatly benefit and improve from it. Just be prepared for the initial reaction. It may take time before the new and better relationship of KNOWING each other settles in and feels safe.