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I’m no fan of American cheese. However, a chef I follow on Quora answered “Why is American cheese so ridiculously awful?” in a way that made me think.
American cheese isn’t awful. You’re judging it against cheese, which it is not, so it’ll always come up short in your eyes. No, American cheese is not cheese, it’s a sauce. ~ Martin Bayer
He went on to say it works on a hamburger or toasted cheese sandwiches, where it melts wonderfully. But if you eat it raw you will be disappointed because it’s a sauce, not cheese.
So let’s apply that to sex. No, not American cheese, this is not that kind of post. What I want to apply to sex is the idea that when you try to make something what it is not, you will inevitably be disappointed.
Are you comparing handjobs and sex just for you to full sex? It’s not full sex, it’s an extra. She does it for you because she loves you. Or because you nag. It’s to help hold you over until she is able to give you what you really want.
If you can accept those “lesser sex acts” for what they are, you may find you enjoy them more. Oh, and be sure to genuinely thank her for doing those things.
Image Credit: © Olga Miltsova | stock.adobe.com
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Interesting comparison! I liked it.
We have used handjobs for many years to get me by. Nearly 20 years ago, we quit doing “quickies” for me. Neither one of us was enjoying it, she didn’t make it fun and I felt no connection mentally, just got to orgasm. After going to marriage counseling, we started doing handjobs instead of quickies.
Basically, we only do ful PIV sex when we both want it. It has worked for us, wife doesn’t have to have sex when she doesn’t want it and I still get some sexual relief.
Would I like more, like oral sex or more PIV sex? Sure, but it is what it is. At least I am not sexually frustrated all the time like I used to be.
Would that my wife loved me enough to include those “lesser acts” in our options! The times when she doesn’t feel up to it for long periods of time would be so much more bearable. She loves me but not THAT much.
I don’t think of this as “Lesser,” Just different. Not my favorite way to play, but not lesser.
We’ve talked about how I feel about handjobs vs oral. Oral is more intense. But for me, a handjob is the more intimate activity of the two – and thus more satisfying. We can kiss and cuddle, I can look her in the eyes and hold her close while she is using her hands on me. For me – that is more intimate, and more connecting.
This feels like a generous and loving gift. So, I try to say that cleary, that I appreciate that gift and that it makes me feel loved, bonded and intimately connected.