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In a comment, one of you asked for “some encouragement on emotional intimacy.” As in feeling something without using your hands. You know, that emotional junk women want all the time. Okay, just kidding – it’s an important issue. Let’s start with some groundwork on feelings.
Many men were raised to think emotions were wrong, or silly, and certainly not to be trusted. Some of us are afraid of our feelings, or afraid of what others will think if we’re “too emotional”. We think feelings are unmanly, and we must beat them down and keep them in their place. Most of us are wary of feelings – we don’t trust them much.
Certainly, those ruled by their feelings are in a bad place. Feelings can be completely out of sync with reality. The fact someone does not “feel” loved doesn’t mean they are not loved. Likewise with feeling or not feeling respected, desired, needed, and so on. However, this doesn’t mean feelings are useless, something to ignore. Our feelings affect our bodies and minds, even when we try to ignore them. Feelings can impact heath for both good and bad, and ignoring feelings won’t make them any less harmful. Additionally, our feelings will colour our thinking, even if we try to suppress them. In short, feelings will have an effect no matter what, so it’s better to admit they exist and deal with them than to be a slave to what they do to us subconsciously.
The goal, I think, is our minds making rational decisions based on all the information available – which includes our feelings. We need to realise that while feelings are not always rational, they sometimes warn us of things we don’t perceive with our conscious mind. Sometimes a feeling is the first, or only, warning we get about something. It can be our subconscious mind making connections out of bits of seemingly unconnected data. As this can be a bit hit or miss, it’s foolish to go just on feelings – but just as foolish to ignore feelings.
By the way, women as a group are more feeling driven than men. This means they are likely to see things we miss, and also more likely to be dragged off by their feelings. A wise man learns to listen to his wife’s feelings, not dismissing them lightly. This is especially true when she has “a bad feeling” about someone. Science has shown women as a whole are better than men at picking up clues about a person’s character and intentions. She’s not always right, but odds are she is right more often than you are in this area. Unless your experience with your wife has shown this is not the case, I suggest you do not ignore her when she has a bad feeling about someone or something.
[This post first appeared May 4, 2012.]
Image Credit: © olly | stock.adobe.com
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