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Recently, our son was pontificating on marriage. Granted, he grew up with us, so he should have a head start. He said if he was giving advice to young husbands, he would tell them to look at where they might be wrong. He said much of what men blame on their wives is actually their own fault, and they need to admit that and get over themselves.
He’s not wrong. I’m not suggesting most marriage problems are men’s fault, but most marriage problems are partly her and partly him. That means part of it is him most of the time. If we deal with our part, that makes things better. It might also encourage our wife to deal with her part. If she doesn’t, when we complain about it, she has no cover because we’ve dealt with our part.
I take the “what is my part” pretty far. If a man or woman has an affair, I think their spouse should at some point ask themselves what they might have done to encourage that sin. That’s not blaming the victim, it’s realising that we can do things that push ours spouses towards sin. We can also do things that push them away from sin. If they sin, that’s on them. But if we did things to tempt them, that’s on us. And again, when we own our part, that makes things better.
Another common place this should play out is sexual refusal. Yeah, she’s wrong. But are you doing anything that increases the likelihood of her saying no? Are there things you could do that would decrease her temptation to say no?
A post worth reading:
Seth’s Blog | The freedom loop ◄ Speaking of responsibility…
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