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This is another post based on my asking ChatGPT to “Suggest a dozen article topics for making a heterosexual man a better husband”. The AI said “Understanding and Meeting Your Wife’s Emotional Needs”. WOW, that’s the title for a book, not an article!
The understanding part is a potential problem. What does understanding mean? I can understand what my wife needs, but have no idea why she needs it. Understanding why is nice, but if we get what she needs we have the information we require. The other thing is women are not all the same. My wife is an INTJ on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator®. INTJ is rare in women – about half a percent. So my wife is different from 99.5% of other women in some ways. The largest Myers-Briggs type for women is ISFJ at just under 20%.
Of course, there is more to consider than personality. A woman with five pre-teen children has very different emotional needs than a woman with no children. A woman who works full time outside the home doesn’t have all the same needs as a stay-at-home mom. An only child and a woman from a family of a dozen children don’t have the same needs, and being the oldest or youngest child makes a difference too.
Knowing your wife’s emotional needs requires you to be a detective. It’s trial and error and a lot of watching and listening. How she reacts to what happens on TV shows or in other people’s lives can give you important clues. Asking her questions can also help. (Along those lines, Lori has done A Year of Questions for You and Your Spouse that I highly recommend.) Questions following not getting it right are especially good. After things have calmed down, ask, “What should I have done?” or “How could I have comforted or supported you better?”
Finally, her emotional needs will change over the years. So don’t stop playing detective once you have a good handle on her current needs.
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You are right about it being the title of a book. I look back at my 20 year old copy of “His Needs, Her Needs” by Willard Harley. Therefore, a form of the title has been used.
Not to take away from the point, be a detective and watch.
ALSO, one may need to dig deeper. Just because you see something on the surface doesn’t make that the real issue. Ask, am I looking at a symptom, or the underlying issue.