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I realise we all give a knee-jerk “of course” answer to this question. But if we actually think about it, a man who acted like Jesus in our circle of friends might not be seen as very manly. And if we’re honest, most the folks in our church would feel the same.
The whole chasing the money changers out of the temple with a whip fits our version of a real man. But what about not defending Himself physically or verbally when the religious folks came for Him? He was all kind and gentle to people. He made time for women, which was scandalous, and for children, which should have been beneath Him. He could have called down angles to wipe out the Roman army, but He allowed them to nail Him to a cross. And then there was that whole washing of feet thing!
I bring this up because of an article I read that said, “Men tend to die earlier in life in countries where the belief that manhood is ‘hard won and easily lost’ is more widespread‘”. Joseph Vandello, the author of the study cited in the article, says he thinks “manhood is seen as a precarious social status”. I know a lot of men who feel that way.
Men who feel a need to continually prove they are men are more prone to aggression, risk-taking, and treating women badly. It’s easy to see this dynamic when we look at inner-city gangs, but it’s far more widespread than that. Some folks take the time to put a nice mask on it, but it’s still ugly and destructive to the men doing it and to those around them.
What makes you feel like a man? Do you need others to see you as a man to feel like you are? What if being a man is more about self-control than aggression? What if it’s more about compassion than controlling people? What if being a man means being more like Jesus than Rambo?
The hard truth is, being a godly man means we will sometimes not be seen as manly by the culture in which we swim. This is a big and difficult issue. John Eldrege has been talking and writing about this for years. Check out his book Wild At Heart and the website for a lot of good stuff on this.
The article:
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I don’t know… calling down angles would have been a rather obtuse response., Could have lead to acute divinity issues, and just wouldn’t be right according to my theology.
That’s all I can do…. hypotenuse … yeah that’s harder to work in.
Thanks for all you do Paul! Humorous misspellings aside, you’ve made a tremendous impact in my marriage over the years. Keep up the good work!
@John – Very nice. Your standup routine is shaping up nicely!
Thanks for this reminder, Paul.
The best thing I have ever read about this is Brant Hansen’s new book “The Men We Need”, which I absolutely devoured and am trying hard to get my never-reads-books son to read. I don’t know if you’re familiar with Brant (he’s better known as a radio host than as an author) but I’d say his defining characteristic is that he combines a very easy, digestible style with rock-hard convictions.
I really can’t recommend it highly enough. If you’re interested but not yet convinced, try the first ten minutes of Brant talking about the book in this interview: https://subsplash.com/freedomproject/freedomproject/mi/+dz6zrnm?fbclid=IwAR29DKQn5anay-xd1HWrOvZultlwm4DUEmWVgzT0us42GwX_XfyurcgRSnA
I might give Brant a go based on what you shared. I have to say Eldridge left me cold.
(Er, maybe skip the first two minutes of mundane chat.)