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We really need to stop talking about normal or average sex, because there is no such thing!
If we averaged various aspects of sex for a large group of couples, the result would be like making a meal based on the average of the ingredients of what a group of folks ate over the last week. What came from that would be far from tasty! Aside from that, the mix would include some spices you don’t like, and perhaps something to which you’re allergic.
I’ve had a glimpse of the sex lives of a great many couples the last thirty years. I’ve talked to couples who can’t get enough of things I have no desire to try, and couples who have no interest in something most couples consider a necessary part of good sex. What one couple considers great sex, another couple would see as horrible sex. One wife complains to Lori that her husband won’t do something, while some husband is telling me he’s frustrated because his wife won’t let him do that same thing. We’ve talked to seemingly boring couples who are crazy in the bedroom, and couples we would expect to be wild who are both happy with every time being kissing followed by missionary position in the dark.
I have no idea what a fantastic, mutually desired and enjoyed sex life would look like for you and your wife. I know it would look different from what Lori and I, or your best friend and his wife, or your pastor and his wife, would consider a great sex life. And that’s both right and good.
Are you and your wife having the sex you both want, or the sex you think you should have? Are you doing what you desire, or what you’ve been told you should desire? Have you accepted something neither of you really wants because it’s “normal”? Have you avoided something you might both really enjoy because most couples don’t want to do it?
What if you both threw out your concerns about normal and average sex and started exploring what you both feel and desire? It’s a scary proposition, but it could lead to something really great.
A post worth reading:
PsyPost | New research suggests that low sexual or relationship satisfaction can lead to a “vicious cycle” ◄ Marital satisfaction predicted sexual satisfaction the next day, and sexual satisfaction predicted marital satisfaction the next day.
Photo by Ratul Ghosh on Unsplash
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