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Over on Quora, someone asked, “How does a man enjoy sex with the same person for years on end? Does that go against our nature?”
My answer was, “I would ask how a man can fully enjoy sex when he keeps changing partners? I realise there is a thrill from being with someone new, but I don’t see how that can compare with knowing someone deeply and intimately. Chasing the thrill of new seems like a hopeless pursuit to me.”
When I was newly married, my manager at work was approaching fifty. According to others, he had been quite the player much of his life. His “body count” was in the hundreds. When I knew him, he was living with a woman about his age and her teenage daughter. I know from comments he made, there was not a lot of sex. He could have still played around, but he had reached the point where a relationship and sure companionship were more important to him than all the sex he could have. What he had found was short of what he wanted, but it was the best he could find given his past. I felt sorry for him. And for others like him, I have met.
The world tells us that having a lot of sex with a lot of women is what we want. We’re told that’s the path to happiness. But this is a lie. I’m sure there is some fun to be had going that path, given how many men take it. But it’s fleeting pleasure that leaves the man empty. Some think more of the same will help, but of course that doesn’t work.
There is a much better path. I’ve met a lot of couples who have been married for two, three, or even four decades who have a deep relationship that makes them happy and sustains them. The longevity study at Harvard has shown that a good marriage means a longer, happier, and healthier life.
All of this is to say if you think you missed out by not playing the field before you got married, what you actually missed out on is not something good or helpful.
I know it’s never fun to be told no when you want sex. Or to not ask because you know it’s not fair to ask at that time. But when that happens, think about all the things your wife is saying yes to. Think about how being with her has made you happier, and has made you a better man. When she says no, think on these things as you give her a big hug and thank her for being your wife.
Image by StockSnap from Pixabay
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