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In a recent comment, Bill Harms said, “... I now finally figured my part in what I thought were problems with my wife.” Then he went on to say, “Now that I have been trying to actively reflectively listen to her she has opened up in ways that I have only dreamed of.”
Well done Bill, may we all be as wise!
I’ve mentioned that Lori and I had some serious sexual problems from the day we got married. Given all the rubbish in her past, it was easy for me to think the issues were all hers, and my job was being loving and supportive. It took me way, way too long to realise I had issues that were contributing to the problem. I suppose my issues were less than half the total, but they were still getting in our way of moving forward. In addition to the difficulties caused by my stuff, some of my stuff was poking her sore places in ways that made it difficult for her to deal with her stuff.
Some of you are stuck because you refuse to see or deal with the ten or twenty percent of a problem that is yours. And some of your wives have stopped trying because you won’t see, confess, or work on your part, even if it’s a minority of the issue.
Own your stuff, no matter how insignificant it seems to you. After you own it, deal with it.
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