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The last several years, I’ve seen a growing number of articles about how lonely we’re becoming. Young adults have far fewer friends than my generation had at their age. It seems Millennials are the loneliest generation so far. But loss of friendship tends to happen when people finish school, and Gen Z is just starting to do that. The expectation is they will have it even worse in another decade.
Friends are extremely important. Multiple solid studies have shown having friends – as in real world folks you hang with – means you’re healthier mentally and physically and live a longer, happier life. People with good friends do better when trouble hits, and they’re less likely to suffer from depression. And at least one study has shown that those with more friends were less likely to divorce than those with fewer. The guess was that “a strong, supportive friendship network” allows spouses to better handle and survive marriage problems. Sounds right to me.
What all of this means is you and your wife both need good friends in your life. It’s not just a good thing. It’s a really big deal! Having friends is good for you in so many ways, and it makes your marriage better and reduces the odds you will end up divorced.
Of course, telling you to have friends is easy. Making it happen can be much more difficult. If you regularly attend church, that gives you an easier path. Beyond that, look for clubs or other groups you can join. It may take some effort, but the benefits are well worth it.
As for your wife, if she has friends, make sure she gets time with them. If she does not have friends, help her make them. You and your marriage will benefit.
A post worth reading:
YouGov PLC | Millennials are the loneliest generation ◄ A growing problem.
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I agree but when you are pastors, while everyone has to be a friend, having close friends is very, very difficult, not just when it comes to your congregation, but even with fellow pastors.
@John L Delcamp- Yeah, it’s a major problem. When we speak at churches, we often get close with the pastor and his wife. We are safe, we have some understanding of their reality, and often they are lonely.
The church we go to is in a town with a dozen or so churches. The majority of the pastors are in a group that meets weekly. This has gone on for almost 20 years because one pastor had the vision and the drive to make it happen. I’ve attended a few times, mostly for something special. I have an open invitation, but not being a pulpit pastor it’s not really a good fit. But I have seen them in action, and they really care for each other. I’ve seen fellowship and cooperation unlike anything I’ve seen anywhere else. I know of several times when one church has paid another churches bills for a month, or given a large chunk of money to help the move buildings.
My pastor is one of my best friends. I just don’t play the games. I was blunt with him about who I was and what I was about when we started there 13 years ago, and we started to meet regularly. I suppose my experience helps, but mostly it’s that we are both willing to walk outside the normal lines to make it work.
In this area people are too busy for friends. My wife and I are starving for friends. Nobody has time even at church.
@Jim – I hear you. We had that problem when we were in Austin.