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I recently became aware of “weaponized incompetence”, a new term for an old problem. It’s also called strategic incompetence, manipulative incompetence, or deceptive incompetence. Weaponized incompetence is feigned inability intended to get you out of doing something now or the next time the job needs to be done. It can look like asking a lot of questions about how to do something, or intentionally doing the job wrong. More aggressive versions result in damage or destruction of some item involved in doing the task.
If you do a job poorly, you break or damage things doing the job, or if you doing it makes more work for your wife, then your wife probably won’t ask you to do that job again. I suppose that could look like a win, but it’s not a win for your marriage.
I’m going to guess the kind of men who would do this to their wife aren’t likely to read a blog about being a generous husband. But what about a less aggressive form of the same thing? Isn’t putting off a job you dislike an attempt to get out of doing the job? Likewise, for doing it but not doing it the way you know your wife wants it done. I’ve been guilty of both of those on occasion. Perhaps I justified it by telling myself how busy I was or how much I do, or how what I do isn’t appreciate. Grumble, grumble, grumble.
Let me put all that to rest with a bit of scripture:
Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. ~ Colossians 3:23-24 ESV
We usually use that verse to tell people to be good employees. However, it’s part of a passage that talks about the kind of husbands and wives God expects us to be, and I think it absolutely applies to the jobs we do around the home.
A post worth reading:
Choosing therapy | Weaponized Incompetence: 7 Signs, Examples, & How to Deal ◄ If you want to know more about this topic
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Not to sound like the millennial that I am, haha, but Your content is consistently good and relevant,
Have you considered posting these to social media like Instagram or TikTok? You could have a wider platform and influence a bigger audience. You seem like a pretty tech-y guy and it’s really not very hard to figure out :-)
@Tory – There is discussion of Lori and I doing a YouTube channel.
Oh, and we women do weaponized incompetence too 😉 here’s how it looks for us: “all right, if that curtain rod isn’t hung up by Saturday, I’m just going to get a drill and do it myself. And there WILL be lots of holes in the wall and it probably won’t get hung level, but at least it will be done.”
@Tory – I think it was the article I linked to that said women it, but men as a group do it more.
Great example.