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Ever said a few words to your wife that set a negative tone for the rest of the day – or longer? If your words upset her, maybe she misunderstood. Perhaps she is too sensitive. And maybe, just maybe, you were careless – talking without thinking.
If this happens often, I suggest you dissect what was said when it happened and try to find common elements in what upsets her. If you find such elements, you may be able to avoid the problem in the future. If what upsets her are topics you need to discuss, know going in there will be an issue and choose both your time and your words carefully.
If you can’t find common elements in what you said when she got upset her, perhaps it’s more her than you. Try to identify common things in her life when she gets upset: stress, time of day, time of the month, just finished or about to start a certain activity, and so on. Again, if you can identify predictors of her reacting badly you can eliminate, or reduce the problem.
If you can’t find any rhyme or reason, maybe she’s too sensitive. It could be that something from her childhood causes her to be easily upset by certain words or thoughts. Perhaps she is way too stressed all the time. She might be unsure of your love, which could be due to your failure or to something from before she met you. Possibly she just needs to grow up a bit.
If you can’t find a rational explanation, then it’s time to talk with her. Regardless of what the reason(s) may be, if you have already examined your words and some of the more obvious causes of her being easily upset, you will have a head start on dealing with the issue. Try not to frame it as you being tired of her getting mad at you for no reason. Instead, explain you want to work with her to find ways to communicate with her that don’t cause her to feel hurt or angry.
[This post first appeared Feb 28, 2012.]
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We all most learn or wife’s sensitive subjects.