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Communicating to your wife that you don’t care is a bad thing. And when I say communicating, I mean by words, actions, lack of actions, or general attitude. When you don’t care about her, or what she thinks, feels, or needs, that’s very hurtful. Apathy is a marriage killer, plain and simple.
Part of the problem is there is no good way to deal with a spouse’s apathy. Most reactions to apathy will generate more apathy! Sometimes a wife reacts to “I don’t care” with anger or open hostility. This is because it gets a reaction, and even a bad reaction can seem better than apathy.
Caring about what matters to your wife is part and parcel of loving her. But don’t stop at caring, make it evident you care. Stop what you’re doing when she talks about her passions. Ask questions. Get involved. When she’s down or upset, be quick to hold her. When she complains about something you did, discuss it with her and commit to changes as you think is right.
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You speak much truth, Paul. It’s not that my husband doesn’t have any love for me or can’t stand me. It’s just that his disregard for my thoughts, feelings, ideas, needs and desires is a bit obvious, even to outsiders. It has been mentioned to me by others before. It is a different story with the children. For example, I might ask to have the broken blinds changed out so the house will look and feel a little better to me. Several years later, it’s still not done. The children ask for something and it is done by the end of the day. Even the kids have noticed this and mentioned it to me. I have spoken to my husband several times regarding this. He just says I am mistaken and it’s not true. This is hurtful, and I don’t know of any way to change it.
@Anonymous 2000 – I’m so sorry. It’s possible he is being unconsciously passive-aggressive and honestly doesn’t see it. A close friend willing to open his eyes might help.