An Erection Is Never An Emergency

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When I was single, I could have sexual release pretty much any time I wanted it. When I reached what I now understand to be a moderate level of sexual arousal, I resolved that promptly. Doing that made me very selfish about sex. I taught my mind and my body that getting horny was quickly followed by pleasure and release.

Then I got married, and I discovered that my dear wife didn’t see every erection I had as requiring her immediate attention.

I suspect I was not alone in this. In fact, I know I was not based on discussions I’ve had with men, women, and couples over the years.

I think the worst part of it is that I had learned to see sex as a physical act that was first and foremost about sexual release, with physical pleasure a close second. Of course, I wanted my wife sexually, and my feelings for her were a part of that. But I suspect I came across far more “I have an erection, get naked” than “I want to be intimate with you”. 

She got hurt by my wrong actions and words, and I got upset that she didn’t “respect” my sexual needs as I thought she should. Looking back, I can see that my expectations were unfair. And the demands that flowed from those expectations were worse. I treated her like a wet warm place to put it, not a person to be loved, wooed, and respected.

So what about you? Do you still think your wife is supposed to be there for your penis every time you feel more than moderately aroused? Have you moved past that, but kept verbiage and behaviour that stemmed from that thinking? If you ever treated your wife this way, have you apologised?

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