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This is not a marriage post, but it is something you should discuss with your wife before you implement it.
As background, I grew up in the South where hugging is a big deal. Some men hugged me, as did many women. Some wanted the A-frame hug, others were less picky. I have no problem with hugging. Then I moved to an area where hugging is less common. I’ve heard “I’m not a hugger” more than once. I also saw a guy say that to a woman who said “I am” as she wrapped her arms around him!
The other day we were at a gathering where there was a woman I know fairly well. She is more or less my age and divorced for a number of years. As we left I went up behind her and gave her a hands-on-her-shoulders hug. She practically melted and gave a sound of approval. I did this because I realised she has very little human touch in her life. I have no idea what level of hugging she would be comfortable with from me, but what I did was good. It took me five seconds to bless her.
Some folks have very little touch in their life. This is particularly true for older folks, but it can also be a problem for singles of any age. Human contact in the form of touching is important and not getting it hurts people.
How could you and your wife provide some small measure of this for the folks in your life who need it? A hug, a hand on the shoulder, holding their hand while you pray for them, or offering a hand up out of a chair are some of the ways to do this.
Doing this requires that you and your wife trust each other. Beyond that, who and how can be tricky. If you’re a young man then hugging young or middle age women is iffy. If you look like a grandpa, it’s safer. You also need to be able to tell if what you do is well-received or makes the other person uncomfortable.
Some will suggest this is dangerous as it could lead to temptation. And some will worry about how others will react. Jesus was multiple times guilty of culturally inappropriate contact with women and it was called out more than once. So yeah, if we do likewise we might get some grief. But if we, like Jesus, are seeking to provide human contact to those who need it, then what others think isn’t important. As long as your wife is okay with it, go for it.
If this post makes you uncomfortable or sounds dead wrong, feel free to kick it around in the comments.
A post worth reading:
Dr. Corey Carlisle | Legacy matters ◄ Fits well with this post.
Image Credit: © Andrei Korzhyts | stock.adobe.com
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Good post. I waiver on being a hugger. I use to be but I’ve found that there are many times these days when the only hugging I really want is my wife. I’m not sure if that’s because I don’t get as much as I crave or if I’m just getting reclusive in my middle age. Even so, I do still need that human contact, too.
I was in an abusive marriage for over 20 years. Physical affection was scarce in the last several years. By his own admission, he was actually withholding affection in order to punish me. I did finally leave the marriage, and spent several years as a single mother. I was very affectionate with my children, but I was not on the receiving end of affection from anyone else for many years. So, I completely understand the deep, deep need for that human touch. I recognized the “melting” of the description you gave.
Thankfully, I am now remarried, and my husband is very good about touching me in non-sexual, affectionate ways. My love language is now physical touch, and I believe it changed due to the “drought” of it that I experienced for many years. It feels like a hole that will never fill up!
I grew up in a household without much affection and to this day I don’t like being hugged. My husband is big on non-sexual touch and affection and I had to train myself to give him hugs as well as receive hugs because it didn’t come naturally to me. Oddly enough, I held my kids all the time when they were babies and still hug them and love on them frequently.