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It’s time once again for my annual rant about the holidays.
I happen to love the holidays. Thanksgiving and Christmas are great times with family and on New Year’s day, we watch all of the extended versions of The Lord of the Rings with friends. But it’s a good time because many years ago we got control of our holidays so we can enjoy them rather than being run over by them.
The holidays can be hard on marriages. Stress runs high, arguments escalate, sex is neglected, quality time ceases to happen, and so on. I suggest a discussion with your wife now, before the madness hits. Decide to opt-out of the problems that accompany the holidays. Decide what is important, make time for that, and limit the usual holiday activities and expenses as necessary to keep your marriage and family healthy. Of course, doing this isn’t easy; it will take real courage.
One common problem is relatives who other expect a visit from you or to visit you. If you both have family that expects holiday time, the problem can become significant. Some may respect you for setting limits and making choices, but some will be offended. Your marriage and your kids are more important than the feelings of others. Take a stand and stick to it no matter what. Do what’s right and let others choose to fit within that or not.
Another common problem is overspending. I know folks who go into debt each December. Debt is the gift that keeps on taking – do not allow it into your home! Beyond the debt, do you need all those things? Do your kids need all those things? Does anyone need something from you badly enough to justify paying on it for months or years? Again, take a stand. Decide what you can afford and what you think you should spend and stick to it. Tell folks what you’re doing and let them choose to give to you, or not, and in whatever amount they feel is right. If it’s the thought that counts (and it should be, shouldn’t it?), then how much you spend should not be an issue. Additionally, any gift accompanied by a card with more than a couple of dozen heartfelt words is a gift worth far more than your money can buy.
Time use is the big problem for many of us. We’re overrun with parties, shopping, school and church programs, and on and on. Decide how much time you and your spouse need for each other and how much time your kids need with you, then make hard decisions about what time is left. Yes, you may offend someone because you don’t attend something. Odds are they will get over it. OTOH, if their feelings are more important to them than your time, then you might be better off if they don’t get over it. Again, decide what’s right and then have the guts to stand by that.
Image Credit: © Krakenimages.com | stock.adobe.com& Cor Gaasbeek from Pixabay
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