It Wasn’t My Fault, But I Could Have Avoided It

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Forty years ago I was in my first auto accident. I was first in line at a red light. When the light turned green, I hit the gas. As I entered the intersection I realised the car on the street to my left wasn’t going to stop. I hit the brakes hoping the car would swerve in front of me. Instead, the driver took her hands off the steering wheel, put them over her eyes, and left them there until her car came to a stop… against my car.

The driver of the other car claimed the blame and the police ticketed her, not me. Everyone agreed the accident was not my fault. But here’s the thing, I could have avoided it had I looked left before I hit the gas. It wasn’t my fault, but I could have saved myself the hassle had I been more aware.

I was reminded of this while I was driving today and was in a similar situation. But this time there was no accident because four decades ago I learned my lesson. So the car that would have hit me had I legally entered the intersection went by before I moved.

Over the years Lori and I have had disagreements, arguments, and other unhappy things that were not my fault. Any neutral third party would have said it wasn’t my fault. However, I could have prevented many of those events. It wasn’t my fault, but I could have saved both of us the hassle had I been more aware.

If you say or do certain things when your wife is tired, stressed, or under the influence of hormones, life will get ugly for a bit. It’s not your fault, but had you been more aware, you could have prevented it.

Of course, at some point, it really does become our fault. Had I been in a dozen more accidents because I refused to look before entering intersections, I would have been wrong. And if you keep doing or saying things you know will upset your wife because of other events in her life, you’re part of the problem.

A post worth reading:

Dr. Corey Carlisle | Not what I expected ◄ “To grieve is to pay the emotional cost needed to adjust our expectations.”

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