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There are places where we have limits on the minimum that is acceptable. And we rightly have these in our marriages. You have such lines and so does your wife.
Some of those lines are based on reasonable things, some are not. If you’re insecure you might expect your wife to do more to show respect than a guy who is more secure. Fear can do this, as can having grown up being denied or abused. And your wife can be the same way. To some degree, this is what you signed up for when you got married and you both need to try to make the best of it. But you should also both be working at growing up.
As our lives change, our lines move. If a man becomes more secure, what he needs from his wife to prove her respect lessens. The minimum amount of sex you need to feel sane at fifty is less than what you needed at twenty-five. As the kids grow up, she needs less of your help with them. If her sex drive goes up in her forties, the minimum amount of sex she wants will go up.
We’re not always aware of how our lines have moved. And that means we can’t communicate the changes to our spouse.
So sit down and talk about minimums. Tell her where your lines have changed and ask her where her lines have changed.
A post worth reading:
Seth’s Blog | Sticking just the right amount ◄ Both too little change and too much are problems.
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