Podcast: Download
Subscribe RSS
When people talk about compromise, they usually mean something more or less halfway between what the two people involved want. So if she wants to eat out daily, and he wants to do it once a week, then doing it four times a week is the compromise. Neither of them gets what they want and some see that as “fair”.
Even a simple numerical compromise like this fails when the distance between the two parties is extreme. If he wants to watch sports together every single day and she only wants to watch the Superbowl with him, watching sports together every other day is going to still feel like way, way too much to her. A more reasonable compromise is for him to watch less and for her to watch with him only some of the time he watches.
Looking for the halfway point assumes that both people feel equally strongly about their position. But in real life that’s rarely how things work. If he cares a whole lot about something and she cares very little, then a wise compromise is going to be much closer to his desire than what she would choose. When something is far more important to her than to him, then the compromise should be closer to her position.
Beyond all of this, the best solution may not be between what the two people want. If she hates monster truck rallies, then asking her to go to even a few is unloving. So rather than looking for some point between twice a month and never in my life, drop her at the mall and then join her for dinner afterwards.
As another example, you want to spend your vacation at Disney World and she wants to go on a cruise. Rather than doing either of those or doing one this year and the other later, try to come up with a vacation you will both enjoy. Doing something that’s number three on your list and number four on her list is better than doing something that is on page five for either of you.
A post worth reading:
Mike Glenn | Stuffing Scriptures in the Cracks ◄ A great way to share your faith with your children.
Photo by Christian Lambert on Unsplash
Shop Amazon ♦ Shop to give links page
We’re donation supported Thanks for your help!
This post may contain affiliate links, see my disclosure for info.
I heard someone once say that in a compromise, both parties have to lose something. But calling it a “collaboration” means both parties work together to get their individual needs met.
That’s good!
@Tory – Nice!
My husband wants to go on a cruise. I get seasick in the bathtub.
I want to travel around the country in an RV. He’s sick of driving.
The compromise? We’re too darned poor to do either! LOL!
All joking aside, my husband loves movies and TV shows. He’d love to share them with me. I can no longer watch most movies and tv shows because the special effects and camera work triggers my vertigo and makes me very sick. A compromise would be that I sit in the room with him but occupy myself with something else, like needlework or correcting homeschool papers. He gets my company and I’m in tuned to the movie just enough to engage in conversation with him.
Another thing I might do is just lay down and close my eyes. The added benefit is he’ll absent-mindedly start rubbing my back or stroking my hair, so super relaxing!
I won’t compromise on movies I find vile, evil, vulgar, profane, or pornographic. Thankfully, hubby doesn’t watch too many of those, but being a guy, he likes some more gritty action films that I can’t tolerate. Now, the only other barrier is that I’ve got way too much on my plate these days and I simply don’t have time to cuddle up with a movie anymore. It’s all I can do to finish up and crawl into bed hours after he’s gone to sleep and the movie’s moved on to something else.