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I have very good hearing. But I’ve never been able to “tune things out” the way some folks can do. This makes me prone to being annoyed by sounds. However, I’ve learned that my annoyance is not just based on the sounds around me. When I’m tired or stressed it takes much less noise or volume to agitate me. So something my wife does that would not usually be a problem will be at certain times.
As we still live in a very small space, this can be a problem. Me getting mad at Lori for making normal noises would be wrong and harmful to our marriage. But trying to ignore something that is really getting to me would be harmful to me and to our relationship. I run music most of the time, which helps cover noises. And I can put on headphones when sound is a problem. But that’s not always enough.
Sometimes I need to just live with it. Other times I need to say something for my sanity. Being aware I’m in a place that makes me more susceptible to noise aggravation is an important part of deciding how to handle things. If it’s really going to drive me crazy, my wife is fine with me asking for an unreasonable level of quiet for a bit. But doing that often would be unfair to her. So my first thought when she is eating something from a noisy bag in the other room with the door closed, and I know it’s bothering me because I’m tired or stressed, is to just let it go and not get snippy because of it.
Another way I need to be aware of this is when I’ve had my fill of noise from the grandsons. It’s fine to tell Lori that, knowing she will make a real effort to be low noise for a while. But getting upset at her because someone else pushed me to the brink would be wrong.
Odds are you don’t have the same issue I have with noise. But it’s human nature to be more easily upset by things when we’re tired or stressed. What do you find more aggravating when you’re tired or stressed? Are you aware of the risk before you lash out or retreat? Learn to know when how you’re feeling is likely to make you touchy and try to get ahead of it. Decide if you will just live with it or if it’s reasonable to let your wife know where you are and ask for some extra effort from her to make things easier for you.
A post worth reading:
Dr. Corey Carlisle | Spiritual bypassing ◄ “Spiritual bypassing is when we use spiritual justifications to do what we want to do while avoiding the true call of love in that moment.” OUCH!
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Ah, once again you touch on a nerve. This is something I struggle with as well. I always have, I think, but my wife tells me that it grew much worse after my last big concussion (the one that put a black hole in my memory and started my war with migraines). I try very hard to do all I can on my end and to teach our children that it is a special issue for me that not everyone fights but, “can you please chew that on the other side of the room or preferably the other side of the house?” Or, “Carrying on a conversation with me through the bathroom door when you want me to hurry is counterproductive.”
Misophonia. It’s a thing.
@Angela – It is, but I don’t have it. Thanks though.
@Angela. I don’t think I’d heard the term but I looked it up and it fits. At least I have a name for it and a hope that it might not be permanent. Thank you for that.