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Helen Fisher’s third way of leveraging neurochemistry to maintain romantic love and form a deep attachment in long-term relationships is to have regular sex and other physical contact. These things increase levels of the hormone oxytocin.
Oxytocin has been called the love hormone. Calling it the bonding hormone would be more accurate. It makes us feel close and connected and builds trust. Hugging and cuddling release oxytocin. So does holding hands or rubbing her back. Playing with her nipples gives her oxytocin, the thrusting of intercourse releases it, and orgasm gives you a big shot.
Oxytocin causes bonding, the creation of group memories, and romantic attachment. It facilitates relaxation, trust, and feeling stable and safe. It also reduces stress and anxiety. Higher levels of oxytocin mean strong erections and more powerful ejaculation and orgasm. This is why foreplay makes sex better. Recent research suggests oxytocin increases faithfulness and it may make it easier to say no to food if one is trying to lose weight. Oxytocin also seems to lead to better sleep. If you and/or your wife sleep better after sex, this could be why.
The picture is far more complex than what I have said here and science is still unpacking it. But doing things that give you both a dose of oxytocin is good for your marriage in a number of ways.
BTW, don’t waste the oxytocin from sex. Use the “afterglow” to build your relationship.
A post worth reading:
Hot, Holy & Humorous | How “Maintenance Sex” Can Bless Your Marriage ◄ A woman saying that sometimes you need to schedule time to just do it.
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“BTW, don’t waste the oxytocin from sex. Use the “afterglow” to build your relationship.”
Could you maybe explain this a bit more (perhaps in a separate post if you think it’s worthwhile)?
I have read people talking about how great the afterglow is, but I’m not sure exactly what they are referring to.
Many times, my husband will fall asleep very soon after sex. Is this what is referred to as wasting the afterglow?
How can one be intentional about using the afterglow to build their marriage relationship?
@Wife – Yeah, falling asleep right away would be wasting it. My suggestion is for a guy to fight that urge for long enough snuggle and talk for a few minutes.