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Lori and I have been taking a weekly Sabbath rest for eight and a half years. What that means is one day a week, Wednesday for us, we do no work. We check comments on our blogs, but otherwise, do no work on them. We don’t do any physical labour. When we were travelling by RV we stayed put that day, as pulling up, driving, and setting up again is a good deal of work. If we go out to eat we do it someplace close and we don’t do any kind of shopping on that day.
But it’s not just what we don’t do that matters. We sleep in and lie in bed cuddling and talking when we wake up. We spend time with God. We spend time outside watching the world go by when the weather allows. We play games both separately and together. We read. We have a meal we both enjoy. And we almost always make love. We do things we enjoy. We enjoy God’s world and each other. In short, we rest and relax. Sabbath gives us time to think. We see things we don’t see when we are busy. It’s a weekly chance to check our lives and make changes necessary. It’s a reset and we come out of it rested, relaxed, and ready to go again.
Sabbath is great, I only wish we’d started doing it years earlier. In addition to a needed rest, doing Sabbath has taught me things about myself. I have learned to feel when I’m doing too much because I have a baseline for being relaxed that I didn’t use to have. I have learned that doing nothing is not only okay but good. I have learned to give myself grace when I’m tired, stressed, too busy, or doing too much. And that grace has been extended to my friends and family.
My new understanding has resulted in me setting more reasonable goals for what I do and how fast I get things done. There are still times when I push harder, such as in October when certain things either get done before it snows or not until spring. But with a better understanding of my limits, I don’t kill myself. I have learned to set priorities because I have a feel for how much I should do. The important things will get done and I intentionally choose the things that may or may not get done depending on time and energy.
All of this has also made me a better husband. I don’t pack my week so full my wife gets short-changed. It’s rare that I push so hard I have nothing left for my wife at the end of the day and I never do that when she may need my help or support. Because we are both calmer and less busy, we are less prone to getting snippy and we enjoy our marriage more. Stress, tiredness, and busyness are marriage killers, and Sabbath helps prevent those things.
Sabbath will probably add years to our lives. It will certainly result in us enjoying the years we have far more. Yes, there’s a cost, but we gladly pay that cost because what we get for it is worth far more.
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I love this! Our family still observes Sabbath on Sunday, as churches have done for hundreds of years, almost from the time of the disciples I think. We’ve discussed going “back” to Saturday as is commonly understood as the Jewish Sabbath but the Hebrew calendar doesn’t actually follow the modern calendars like that and it would usually still be the wrong day.
The thing that bothers me, though is how little the Sabbath we grew up with resembles the Sabbath in the Scriptures. We seem stuck with the idea that Sunday dinner needs to be some big, elaborate event. I did enjoy that growing up and, creature of habit that I am, I still long for it. But…I look at the work that goes into it and into the cleanup and I DON’T see Sabbath rest. It’s an ongoing struggle to have restful Sabbaths. I love that you have made that a priority and wisely use the time to build and grow your relationship. I pray that we get there some day!
The other thing I love is the way that you make a point to limit your to-do lists and prioritize time as a couple every day possible! I long for us to do that! Kids and obligations make it extraordinarily difficult for us, especially for my wife, but I pray we someday can get there. God willing!
@Noah – Meals can be an issue. Making a nice meal for two is less of a big deal. Even so, some weeks what we have is determined by how much we are willing to do to make it and clean up.
Sounds nice.
Being realistic here – how would a mother of a bunch of young children achieve this Sabbath rest?
No outside help available.
Young children to look after every day.
How does a mother of several young children press the pause button and rest for a day?
If her husband presses the pause button for a day, is it really possible for her to join him?
Please be practical in your advice on this. I’d really like to know how it can work in reality.
I had often wondered how the (Christian) Sabbath is a day of rest, when I didn’t find much rest at all when looking after young children.
I also wondered how it would have been a day of rest for mothers back in Bible times. Maybe someone can educate me on this. It seems unlikely that the mother could (or can) just rest for a day.
Would be interested in hearing people’s thoughts!
@Wife: great question. As a working mom of four children, I have some tips. First of all, in Paul’s example, he and his wife take every Wednesday as a day of rest, not Sunday. For most people, this is not a possibility since most of us work Monday-Friday, so we take the sabbath on a Sunday. I don’t know about you, but getting little kids ready for church in the morning is not restful! In fact, it’s about the most stressful thing to try to do first thing Sunday morning. So, about once a month, we do church from home — we watch the service in our pajamas.
This might not work for all families though. The other thing that we do is plan for some easy takeout for lunch after church (doesn’t have to be expensive, can be a $10 pizza) or an easy meal that I do the night before in the crockpot, like pulled pork or something like that. So it doesn’t end up being a “day of rest”, but maybe more like an afternoon of rest? The little ones go for a nap after lunch (and our kids napped until they were school age, even if they didn’t fall asleep I still had them rest in their beds after lunch on Sunday, it was good for them to have that rest) and our older kids would get unlimited screen time on their electronics. We always limited screen time so whenever my husband and I wanted time together, we gave them free reign and it was a big treat for them to watch tv or play video games for a few hours and they left us alone :-) then my husband and I could enjoy some food together while watching a movie or tv show together after church, maybe taking a little nap together, which might lead to some lovemaking :-) so, that’s how we do the sabbath with kids. Like I said it’s not a full day of rest for the mom, but it’s maybe an afternoon of rest, which is better than nothing? It’s all about simplifying. For instance, you can use paper plates that one time a week so no one has to do dishes. Takeout for lunch and leftovers for dinner; or if you can’t afford that, a crockpot meal that you prep the night before. (Is there anything easier than pulled pork?)
@Tory – Great thoughts.
We know a couple with a number of children who took a half-day Sabbath during the week when the kids were at school.
@Wife – The Jews managed it to a good degree, but the children were brought up doing it from birth.
Food was repaired the day before, so meals were simple heat and eat.
When Sabbath is a lifestyle, it’s not as difficult. But still a challenge for mothers of several young children.
Ah, I couldn’t guess the number of times I have pushed for pre-made heat and eat Shabbat meals both with my wife and my family of origin. No one seems interested, including those who are generally preparing the meal.
“No one seems interested, including those who are preparing the meal.” Since this is more important to you than to your spouse, have you ever tried assuming responsibility for this meal yourself? Meaning, communicating to your spouse that you will plan, shop for, and prepare a heat-and-eat sabbath meal the day before, and following through, rather than requesting that your spouse does this. It might be very well received!
Not like that exactly, no. I did suggest that we could get Papa John’s pizza and reheat it in the oven. It’s nearly as good as fresh that way. Use disposable plates and napkins, maybe open some chips and you have a tasty meal.
I’d forgotten that I’d made that suggestion. My mom and my sister were actually on board with that idea. My brother, on the other hand, made all manner of fun of the idea, giving the idea that he would have his wife make a small separate meal for them if we went that route. My wife typically doesn’t see eye to eye with my brother but was in agreement with him on that one. Either way, we were outvoted for shared family meal at mom and dad’s and it’s pointless to do it at home if the cook I’m sparing work still works to make a separate meal for herself.
Oh, and cold cut sandwiches. I suggested that, too, but it met the same fate.
I would be interested in other ideas that would work as heat and eat that she might find more acceptable. I think it might end up that she doesn’t want reheated food, cold cut sandwiches, or anything short of fresh cooked but I could run other ideas past her to see if she would be interested.
@Wife
I try to have a ‘Sabbath’ on Sunday. After bringing my children to church, a nice afternoon nap is usually in the order. Dinner is usually made by my husband and we do end up doing the dishes as well as laundry (the kids help out though). But we don’t usually have company or make plans. So the evening is pretty relaxing. And knowing dinner doesn’t have to be ‘on time’ is nice as well. It’s a mindset more than anything. Getting up a little later. Enjoying life a little more. Knowing if I want to take a walk or do ‘nothing’ it’s totally OK. That’s a nice feeling.