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I recently heard a couple talking. She asked him a question and he recited his thoughts about the issue. I could tell from what he said that he was telling her no and I suspect she could too. But with a hint of irritation, she said “So yes or no?“
I point this out as a person who can barely order a pizza without explaining the thoughts that lead me to my decision, so I totally get it. But a clear yes or no is a kindness our wives deserve. Don’t leave any ambiguity or reasons for her to guess. Tell her the why if you must or if it matters, but finish with yes or no.
A post worth reading:
The Marriage Restoration Project | Guide to Reconnecting with Your Husband or Wife After A Fight ◄ Excellent suggestions
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In the interest of clear communication, why not START with the YES or NO, and then give any needed explanation?
@ROBERT L APPLETON – Listening would stop after a yes or no in some marriages.
Funny…I thought it was gender-specific with women explaining without answering, and men grunting without explaining.
This actually came up for us on Monday; since it was a day off for Barb, I asked the night before whether she’d meet some church friends for breakfast, as she’s wont to do when free.
Her reply was that she didn’t know exactly where the new place was that they were meeting, and that it being Labour Day, a lot of people would be doing family stuff anyway.
I took this as a No, and was surprised the next morning that she’d actually planned on going. (The eatery was closed for the holiday, so it didn’t pan out.)
With apologies to Churchill, I guess marriage is a small and intimate garden with the great bloody wall of Common Language running through its centre.
Don’t end with yes or no, start with it! Then explain your reasoning.