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My grandsons are wonderful. They’re also strong-willed. Fortunately, their mom and dad are on top of that. I have often heard my son ask, “Has that ever worked for you?” when one of them is throwing a fit or using typical child “logic” to try to get their way or to get out of trouble. Not only have those things never helped, they sometimes result in being in even more trouble. But they keep using tactics they know won’t work!
Working with couples for thirty years has taught me that a lot of adults do the same thing.
Has getting upset ever made a situation with your wife better? Has sarcasm ever changed her mind? Has ignoring a question ever resulted in her just giving up? Has grabbing her butt or breasts when she’s not feeling sexual ever turned her on?
I could give you a much longer list of examples of doing things we know don’t work, but I’ll let you mentally add the ones you’re guilty of.
Why do we do things we know won’t work? Part of it is force of habit. We have default reactions that slip out before we have time to think about what we should say or do. And then she plays her default reaction and things go downhill from there.
The best solution is to learn to think before you act. Of course, that’s a very difficult behaviour to learn. A more doable option is to learn to stop when you fall into a bad pattern. Say “Let me try again” and go a better direction. It helps to have a mental list of better directions ready. For that, you will need to spend some time thinking about what doesn’t work and what would be better.
A post worth reading:
The Romantic Vineyard | A Humble Spouse ◄ Ask yourself, “Am I a humble spouse?”
Photo by Alex Quezada on Unsplash & cooltext.com
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Some long-dead Greek dude once said that the definition of idiocy is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.