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Last week I mentioned that some men masturbate because of embarrassment over ED, PE, and other failures of the penis. I realised it’s been a good while since I did a post on the most common penis malfunctions and what you can do about them. So this is that post.
Let me start by saying sexual problems are not a given as you age. Needing some physical stimulation to get erect, somewhat less firm erections, and a slight loss of sensation are all normal. Problems that mess with or prevent sex are not. What’s more, the onset of such problems is often a warning of a health issue that can kill you. If you start having ED, you need to see a doctor ASAP. Besides being able to help you with erections, your doctor might save your life.
The penis is an amazingly complex thing and I’m amazed at how often it works as intended. But problems happen and can be distressing. Even the biggest problems don’t mean the end of your sex life if you’re willing to do what it takes to stay sexual. And many problems can be easily resolved.
Erectile Dysfunction (ED):
Not being able to get or keep an erection is rare for younger men, but becomes somewhat more common with age. Some sources claim most men will have ED eventually, but well-done studies of the general population say otherwise. One study put it at only 11.5% of men aged 60–69 years. Most ED is in men who are obese, have diabetes, or smoke. If you take reasonable care of yourself, your odds are low. Of course, none of that helps if you can no longer have intercourse because your penis won’t do its part. In addition to full ED, some men don’t like the fact they can’t get as hard as before. The treatments for both issues are the same:
- A penis ring: A penis ring helps hold blood in the penis. This can help you get an erection or keep you hard once you get there. Get a stretchy ring for safety and limit use to half an hour. Penis rings are great if you’re able to get erect but have trouble staying that way or want to be a little firmer.
- Pump and ring: A penis pump creates a partial vacuum around the penis, causing blood to flow in. Once the penis is erect a ring keeps it that way. This will give any man an erection, but if you’re unable to get any degree of erection without the pump the erection resulting from the pump will be wobbly where your penis joins your body. This can make intercourse tricky in some positions, but it’s certainly possible.
- External Support Device: The Erektor, and its knock-offs, are a set of rings and a stiff rod. The small ring goes behind the head of the penis, and the large ring goes against the body. The rod is inserted between the rings, stretching the penis and making it stiff enough for penetration. I know it sounds like it wouldn’t work, but I’ve talked to men who use it and think it’s great. Some say once they get going intercourse makes them hard. And some like it because they can keep going after they climax.
- Viagra et al: The patent has expired on Viagra, so generic versions of sildenafil have reduced the price nicely. I’m seeing about fifty cents a pill on Amazon knockoffs. There are other pills that work similarly. Each has different side effects, so if one is a problem, another might not be. You can get a prescription with a phone call, but I strongly suggest you work with your doctor to get the best drug and proper dosage.
Please be aware these drugs don’t make you hard. They allow you to get erect normally. That means you need stimulation to get and stay hard. - Injections: Sticking a needle in your penis may not sound like foreplay, but injectable drugs may work when pills don’t. A very fine needle is used and a quick prick seems worth it for some guys.
Premature Ejaculation (PE):
Premature ejaculation is usually defined as always climaxing within one minute of entering the vagina. If you last three minutes but want to go longer, or you climax fast when it’s been a while since you had sex, you’re not suffering from PE.
We still don’t know exactly what causes PE, but we do know it’s not about anxiety or not having sex often enough. True PE is not “all in the head”, it’s in the body. Research has found the penises of men with PE are more sensitive to vibration. It’s also been shown men with PE have lower levels of the neurotransmitter serotonin. And we know there is a genetic component. Research is ongoing and there are some promising things on the horizon. Until then there are things that help – a bit. Most of these add a minute or two or triple the length of intercourse. This is less than most couples would like, but some find it a huge improvement.
- Pelvic Exercises: Several well-done independent studies have found pelvic exercises similar to Kegel’s can help men last longer. One such approach can be found at Between Us Clinic, which has an online program for learning to control ejaculation. The program requires about 20 minutes, three times a week. It starts with a couple of masturbation exercises and moves to penetration exercises. Doing the entire program takes 1 to 3 months.
- Desensitising Products: There are a number of sprays and creams that reduce the sensitivity of the penis. Some men say these don’t slow them down they just feel less in the process. Others say these products allow them to last longer and enjoy sex as they do. Modern versions are far better and the ingredient or mix of ingredients makes a difference. For the most part, it’s a matter of getting what you pay for. Based on my research, it seems Promescent may be the best of these products.
- SSRIs: Off-label prescribing of various SSRI antidepressants helps some men. Prolonged use is usually necessary, side effects are common, and the drugs may become less helpful over time. Low doses of a short-lived SSRI may improve your PE without significant side effects.
Delayed Ejaculation:
Loss of sensation in the penis can make it take longer to climax during intercourse. Age-related hanges to the vagina may also reduce stimulation. Anything that makes your erection harder will help. Changing positions can also make a difference. Because the outer third of the vagina is tighter, moving only the tip of the penis in and out could help. And of course, getting close to orgasm before you enter her is a good idea.
Alternative Sex:
Intercourse is great, but if you can’t do it, or it’s too much work or pain for either of you, find other ways of giving each other sexual pleasure.
- Your hands and mouths can do some wonderful things. Take turns and became experts.
- You can lie together and masturbate. If you lie down head to toe, you get a better view.
- Vibrators and other sex toys can give an orgasm to almost anyone with a heartbeat. You can easily have an orgasm without any hint of an erection.
- If you lie on your back with your penis against your belly and your wife gets on you like woman on top sex, she can rub her clit against your penis. You can both come this way.
Sex is a great thing, and it’s beneficial to a marriage in many ways. Don’t let a physical problem keep you from enjoying God’s gift of sex. I’ve talked to men in their seventies who are still having sex more days than not with their wife of a similar age. Just because it’s not like it was in the past doesn’t mean sex is over.
If you have a sexual issue I’ve not covered, post it in the comments with a fake name.
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