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I often hear men say something that matters to their wife is silly, or unimportant, or she is making too big a deal about it. I could say a lot of things about that, but let me say this: Some women say similar things to downplay or justify ignoring their husband’s desire for sex.
Aside from the differences that come from her being a woman, she’s a different person and we all have different desires, joys, hopes, and fears. Dismissing those because you don’t feel the same way is wrong, and belittling them because you don’t want her to feel that way is cruel. Even if how she feels doesn’t make sense or is self-destructive, it’s how she feels and that should matter to you.
If something matters to your wife, then it matters to her. If it’s not bad or harmful, you should support her. If it’s a problem, you should lovingly work to help her get free. Embracing what you find silly or trivial will make her feel loved and accepted, and that will be good for her and for your marriage.
Image Credit: © Katie | stock.adobe.com
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Yesterday I came close to cashing in my chips… for the second time in a week. Couldn’t force myself to breathe, drifted out-of-body, and it took Belle the Service Wolf (she really is a wolf) doing frantic CPR to bring me back.
I’m so far past being upset about the cancer gig… it’s just life, so to speak.
But it’s not that way for Barb. She hates what it’s done to me, to her, and to our relationship in terms of making her have to be more a caregiver than an affectionate wife.
Used to be, I’d think (but not say), “Dude, chill!” when this forced paradigm made her upset, but when I took the time to listen, literally, last night, for the first time, I realized that both of our viewpoints were equally valid, and necessary for an honest representation of the situation’s dynamic tension.