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As I’ve looked at how I treat people when they inconvenience me, I’ve tried to figure out why I react as I do. This is how Lori and I roll; when you understand why you do something, it is generally easier to change what you do. Often (usually, almost all the time?) the “why” goes back to childhood. It seems many of us spend most of our lives trying to resolve childhood issues by acting in ways intended to prove we’re not what someone said, or prove we can do certain things, or prove we won’t be certain things. We try to prove things to people who are no longer a part of our daily lives, to people we no longer know, and even to people who are long dead! Some of these things are battles we still fight in our heads, while others have become more a matter of habit.
As I thought about it, I could easily see how things from my childhood played into how I react when I’m inconvenienced. As a kid, I often felt that my schedule was less important than other people’s schedules. It was expected I’d be inconvenienced because others were more important. Maybe that’s just part of being a kid, maybe I had it worse than many, maybe I was aware of it earlier than most, maybe I was just overly sensitive to it. Whatever the reason, I felt wronged and when I became an adult, I put that on others.
Another childhood issue was not feeling appreciated. I carried that into my adult life and did some silly things trying to get appreciation. The problem is no amount of appreciation today now can fix the past. I need to deal with those past hurts so they are not ruling me today.
Fortunately, I was already aware of these particular past hurts and have already come a long way in dealing with them. This means my reaction to being inconvenienced is more about habit than anything else and that makes it a lot easier to deal with it.
[This post first appeared Nov 09, 2011.]
A post worth reading:
Knowing Her Sexually | Episode 57: How to Express Your Sexual Discomfort ◄ A couple of women might be able to help you express it better.
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