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How often do you kiss your wife? How often do you give her a good kissing when sex is not about to happen?
What would happen if you gave her the kind of kiss that says “I Have to have you right now” when there was no way that could happen for many hours? Do you think that might affect her in a positive way?
There’s a sure way to find out!
A post worth reading:
Dr. Corey | Stepping out ◄ No, not like that!
Photo by Taylor Brandon on Unsplash
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I don’t want a kiss that’s sex-based. I want a kiss-like-you-mean-it kiss that says, “I love you. I love who you are. I’m excited to share life with you. I feel so blessed to be with you.”
Since the beginning of our marriage two decades ago I have made it a point to see him off to work and welcome him home. Kisses from him are infrequent. Instead, he’ll blow past me and give me a look like he’s mad about something or has something better to do. Or he’ll blow past me (I’ve learned a long time ago to stand to one side and not in the doorframe) and greet the dog with all the affection. Unless he’s seeking sex, then he might be more affectionate.
If I get home after him, he doesn’t usually bother to greet me unless he knows I’m bringing him his favorite coffee.
I don’t even really enjoy kissing him, anymore because it is like kissing someone who is bothered by the kissing. I initiate most of the kissing and mostly just get a peck back. The amount of effort I have to shovel by the excavator loads into this marriage before I even get a spoonful in return is crazy.
But, he thinks he’s the one putting in all the work. Yet everyone that knows us can clearly see it is the reverse. Some are surprised I haven’t left him.
So now, the rare times he does really kiss me have lost their meaning because it is so infrequent and I know it’ll be months, even years of indifference before the next one. I honestly feel like I can never do enough, be enough, or give enough for him. Probably because I can’t because he won’t recognize it. It’s like giving food to a hungry baby who fusses too much to eat it, makes a mess of it, instead, but still howls in hunger. But, give him just the right treat, like a lollipop, and baby is genial again, but only to howl worse than before because the goody has no real value, created a high to crash down from, and he’s still hungry, but howling like no one cares enough to feed him.
If all I’m worth is what I can do to create a dopamine rush and make his life easier by serving him, if I have no value to him beyond that, then there is no marriage. I suspect this because he gets very difficult when I am ill, or when I had the babies and needed his support. When I almost died from a hemorrhage he was distant, wouldn’t stay in the hospital room with me, verbally expressed how much I was inconveniencing him because he wasn’t going to get enough sleep before work the next morning, and then after I was released from the hospital, left me to recover home alone with our toddler, with the mess he made the day before while I was in the hospital.
It’s a little better, now, but he reveals why. He’ll say things like, “I’d better take care of you before someone says I’m not.” “You’d better tell my dad I did all these things for you, or he’ll be mad at me.”
So, kisses like that would start to reveal a change of his heart towards me and towards his role as loving, caring husband as God designed.