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I came across a study that looked at what makes it difficult to maintain an intimate relationship. The study looked at Greek and Chinese couples and asked them how big a problem various things were in their relationship. The list of problems came from the answers given in a previous study.
Today I will give you some of the details from the study. Then I will follow up with a discussion of the major issues.
Participants used a five-point scale to rate how much of a problem each item was in their relationship. The researchers calculated how many gave each issue a score greater than three. Thirty-five percent didn’t give any issue a score over three. Twenty-three percent had one, twelve percent two, nine percent three, and twenty-one percent four or more. So the good news is over a third didn’t feel they had significant problems. The bad news is more than one in five felt they had four or more big problems.
The big issues were clinginess (which was defined as “being too dependent on my partner”), lack of personal time and space, and long work hours. Clinginess was the top answer for both men and women but was listed by more women than men. Lack of personal time and space was number two for men, but number four for women. Long work hours was number three for men and number five for women. For women, numbers two and three were not making compromises and character issues. Bad sex was number seven for men and number ten for women.
The character issues section was all about the respondent, not their partner. The items listed from most commonly cited to least, are “I am selfish, my character, I am not easygoing, I have psychological problems, my insecurities, I am jealous of my partner, financial difficulties, I am always complaining to my partner, and I neglect myself“. The compromise category was also about the respondent, not an accusation about their partner.
There are some obvious limitations to this study, but the results line up well with what those who work with marriages see and hear. It gives us a good picture of what often stresses, hurts, or ends a marriage. Over the next few days, I will discuss these and how to prevent or deal with them.
Reference:
What makes It Difficult to keep an Intimate Relationship: Evidence From Greece and China – SAGE Journals
Image Credit: © olegzaicev | stock.adobe.com
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