Act Based on Her Actions, Not Your Fear

Podcast: Download

Subscribe RSS

Our thinking is more easily influenced than we know. If your buddy’s wife cheats on him, you will fear your wife might do the same. You may not realize you have this new or increased fear, but it will affect your actions. A divorce that hits close to home has a similar effect.

This dynamic can be insidious and destructive. Let’s say you spend the evening with a few of your guy friends and several of them complain they aren’t getting nearly enough sex from their wives. On your way home you will be more worried your wife is going to say no to sex than usual, even if that almost never happens. This could cause you to approach her differently, which might result in her turning you down. Your fear has become a self-fulfiling prophecy. 

Fear can be a good thing. It can literally save our life, or make us aware of a danger we have been ignoring. Fear caused by something we see someone else go through can also do these things. But fear needs to be processed with our minds, not our hearts. We need to consider the fear based on our reality. In terms of your marriage, that means looking at who your wife has shown herself to be and giving that precedence over a fear that would only make sense if she were different.

If you start judging your wife based on your fears, your marriage is in big trouble. She can’t defend against your fears. How can she prove she’s not going to do something she has never given you a reason to think she might do? How can she calm a fear that didn’t originate with her words or actions?

The best way to deal with this is to be proactive. When you see something that causes you to fear your wife will hurt or wrong you, think through it. Have her words or actions ever made you think she might do what you fear? Is your fear consistent with who you know her to be? If your fear is unfounded, thank God your wife isn’t like that. Even better, thank her for not being that way. Use your affirmation to silence your fear.

A post worth reading:

 | Brain imaging study suggests that drinking coffee enhances neurocognitive function ◄

Image by Stefan Keller from Pixabay
We’re donation supported Thanks for your help!
This post may contain affiliate links, see my disclosure for info.