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I was talking to a thirty-something gentleman and he said he and his wife had looked at every Christian sex book they could find and bought several of them. His complaint was none of them went beyond biology and they were looking for more. They don’t have problems with sex other than wanting to make it better.
I do understand why most books are all about biology. When Lori and I started doing this twenty-five years ago, we found most couples were so undereducated about sexual biology that it was limiting and hurting their sex lives. Often a few simple facts about how their bodies worked make a big difference for a couple.
But as I said, that was twenty-five years ago and things have changed. Today most couples have a working understanding of the biology of sex. And like the fellow I was talking to, they want to know ways to make sex more fun and enjoyable. I try to do that here, I will let you tell me how well I’m doing.
What would you like me to cover about sex? What would a book have to offer to be worth your time and money? What limits sex for you? What problems do you face? Please hit the comments and let me know so I can do better for you.
A post worth reading:
mike glenn | When the Idols Fall Over ◄ This will resonate with most men over forty years of age.
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My wife is post-menopausal. She had the hormones of a 55 year old at 39 (yes, she was tested). Her drive/desire is gone and it’s frustrating for both of us.
for me, I look for better integration of sexual and spiritual. Not just praying for my sex life, but how giving/receiving, serving and being served, creativity and fun all build my connection with God as well as my wife. I’m looking for more practical information about how my marriage reflects Christ and the Church, and how growing in marriage, in particular sexually, helps me to understand that better and grow accordingly. Thanks for the great blog!
We are a 40+ years married Christian couple who really have a pretty decent sex life. It hasn’t always been so, but we have learned to have some hard talks and have made progress. She still has more limits than I do which I suspect is somewhat normal, but I digress.
Our problem is this: we live in southern Ontario, Canada where the economy has become so rich, a 2 bedroom, war-time house on a half lot in town is routinely going for over C$1m, and rents for 1 bedroom in a shared apartment are getting over C$1200-1400/month. Fortunately, we have been in our house for 20 years, and we both have solid jobs. All of that to explain the fact that our 32yr old daughter still has to live with us in order to make her ends meet. She is a child-care worker (a job which she loves and was made for), and she suffers from some mild ADD.
So the question is this: how do you have a conversation with a never-been-married, barely ever dated daughter about your need for “alone” time in your bedroom which is still next to hers. No, we didn’t start our family correctly by instructing them about “bedroom time” for mom & dad. What I would love to see is some help & suggestions in how to do so now with a 32yr old.
The “Great Sex Rescue” is the best book on sex. It exposes all the erroneous and poor advice given by many of the books written on the subject over the last 50 years. No subject is left out. Although well intentioned, we have been taught many wrong ideas about sex—both husbands and wives. A must read for all couples and needs to be shared with our children—both those moving toward marriage and those at any stage of their lives in order to avoid the mistakes and pitfalls of this sacred part of being joined as one.
@Frank – I’m all for dealing with the lies and wrong information – Lori and I have been doing that for 25 years and counting.
Like biology, it’s a necessary foundation and sometimes it makes a big difference for a couple. And like biology, the problem is not as bad now as it was in the past. Also like biology, it does not address the issue expressed to me by the gentlemen who wants more.
For me, the challenge is getting my wife (the low drive/low enthusiasm spouse) to be more involved in the sexual experience. Ideally sex wouldn’t just be something that is done “to” her, but she would be and equally involved participant. I’d like to see her move to more of a give and take model, rather than being a “pillow princess” (for lack of a better term)