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This blog is called The Generous Husband because I think being generous makes any marriage better. Centuries ago generosity was seen as something done by the noble-born. It was expected of the highborn but was not seen as a normal thing for ordinary people. Over time it became seen as an ideal that would lead to a better world if practised by all.
The Science of Generosity says generosity is the virtue of giving good things to others freely and abundantly. That sounds right to me. Another fellow named Paul said that “The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully.” (2 Cor 9:6 ESV) While that verse is about the giving of money, the principle applies to other things. The man who is generous with his wife will receive many good things from her. The man who is stingy with his wife will receive very little from her.
The important thing about generosity is you have to be generous where she most wants and needs it. If you and your wife haven’t had sex in weeks and she makes you your favourite meal, that’s a nice gesture, but it’s not what you’re dying for. You would be much happier with leftovers and sex. Your wife is the same way. If you are generous with what matters to her that is far more powerful than being generous with things that are less of a concern.
The other thing about good generosity is timing. Giving her an abundance of what she wants, when she most needs it is powerful. The challenge here is she will sometimes need your generosity when you’re tired, stressed, or busy. If you’re both overwhelmed, then she needs your generosity when it’s going to be much more difficult for you to be generous.
Selfless generosity is difficult, but it’s also powerful. I’ve seen seemingly hopeless marriages turned around by one spouse practising sacrificial generosity.
Generosity begets generosity. If you keep at it, you will find yourself in the midst of a wonderful virtuous cycle of generosity that just keeps growing and making life better for both of you.
Finally, while either husband or wife can start a cycle of generosity, I see this as a headship issue. God calls us to love our wives even when they don’t show us love and to sacrifice for her when she’s doing nothing for us.
Speaking of wives, my wife today announced on her blog that she is taking a three-month sabbatical. This has been coming for a while and has been done with a lot of prayer by both of us. We are looking at what we should be doing for marriages moving forward. I will continue to blog both here and on The XY Code. I have no feeling that will stop, but there may be something new in the future. We appreciate your prayers as we seek God’s will.
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I hope that you and your wife will find the perfect path for both of you :)