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I’m sure most of you would love to have sex more days than not. That would mean at least four times a week most weeks. But in the real world, what would it take to make that happen?
First, for this to be possible you and your wife must both be intentional about making it happen. You will also need to avoid being rigid or legalistic about it – things happen, and some weeks you will be doing good to manage sex twice. Make too much noise about that and it will go badly for you. And, finally, you will need to have a fairly wide definition of “sex”.
What does “sex” mean? What has to happen to qualify as “sex”? For the purpose of this discussion, let’s call sex something a couple does that results in orgasm for at least one of them – and for both if they both want it. This could be full-blown intercourse, a quickie, oral, manual, masturbating together, or some combination of those. It can happen in the morning, the evening, or during the day. It could occur in bed, or the shower, or on the couch with the movie paused. It could be planned or spontaneous and initiated by either of you.
Beyond those things, frequent sex requires a strong marriage relationship. Being rude, angry, distant, or unloving is a sure way to turn off your wife’s interest in sex. If she does it anyway it will be just for you, and if that happens often it will put her off sex. BTW, do recall that her having an orgasm doesn’t mean she’s glad she did it.
The biggest issue for most couples is they have developed a life that doesn’t support sex more days than not. This is not just about being too busy and tired for the actual sex. You also need the time to build a relationship that makes her feel good about that level of sex. A lot of couples are having sex a few times a month because that’s all their relationship supports. This may not sound valid to you, but I assure you it’s how God made women.
So if you want more sex, you may need to make some hard choices.
A post worth reading:
Knowing Her Sexually | Episode 56: What Women Don’t Understand About Men’s Sexuality ◄ Pass this on to your wife, you’ll be glad you did!
Image Credit: © Andrey Popov | stock.adobe.com
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What would it take? A wife who is willing is the largest obstacle here. Ever consider companion posts with Lori on the same topics?
I am with Hopeful Husband, a willing wife that would like to explore sex a little and have more sex. Married 30 years and my sex happiness I would say is low, the needle never even got to half way at any point.
I worked for many years with a very Christian lady, we were the same age and married about the same length of time. She told me once they averaged 7 times a week! She said sometimes they skipped a day, but sometimes had sex twice on a weekend. I was in shock. I barely got it once a week.
The more I read these posts and comments the more I fall on my knees and thank God for my wife. We have been married for almost twenty five years, and even though our sex life started out very rough, by the time our first decade was over we had the sex life most men can only dream of. Now we average six or seven times a week and sometimes more. I am a very blessed man.
I will also say a willing wife is key to this. The only thing on that list that happens here is a quicky once or twice a month. She doesn’t want things to go on for very long and she is unwilling to do much else. Of course i am expected to do everything she deams as my responsibility like clean the whole house weekly, do all laundry other than hers, all yard work, all home maintenance and repairs, all care for my sons frogs and hamster and all vet visits for our dog. Cook most meals and do the dishes, take our son to daycare and pick him up, and on and on. I do all this and more. Everyone tells her how lucky she is to have a guy like me and that usually just makes her mad at me. I would just like for her to try and i could then achieve even more but after 18yrs that seems unlikely.