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I’ve mentioned this before, and more than once (do you remember?) – your memory isn’t as good as you think it is! You clearly remember details that are wrong, forget things that happened, and probably remember things that did not happen. Yes, your wife does it too, but studies show that in many situations her memory is better than yours. (One exception is directions, so keep telling her you’re really not lost.)
My point here is that when you and your wife recall something different, odds are each of you has some of it wrong and, statistically, she is more likely to be more right than you are. Given that, arguing about differences in memory is just stupid! Being upset that she won’t agree with you isn’t very smart either!
My suggestion is to accept that your memory is faulty and know that no matter how sure you are, you could be wrong. With that in mind, give your wife a HUGE amount of grace when she recalls things you do not or remembers things differently than you do. Think before you correct; is what you want to say really important? Does it significantly change what she is saying? If it doesn’t matter, just smile and keep your mouth shut! (I’ve been doing this for more than a decade and it’s avoided a lot of needless tension and arguments.)
[This post first appeared Nov 04, 2011.]
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Ha! I have forwarded this post to my husband :)
That said I would like to add that what we remember is usually clouded by emotions. So it is totally possible that I would remember something differently to my husband – it’s because we might have interpreted it differently and filed it away for posterity under different headings in our mental filing system :)
I write things down if they’re important. I try to keep a journal but I don’t always write everyday. I ran into the opposite problem. My wife is often wrong in her memory but I doubted myself so I started writing things down to keep myself on track. I don’t think it was intentional gaslighting, but the effect was the same on me. I had little confidence in my memory of things I was absolutely certain of. If it’s going to become a disagreement later, write it down.