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Many years ago when Lori and I were struggling with sex, I asked her what she prayed about when she prayed about sex. She told me she could either pray about sex or have it. I understood what she meant when she said it and I dropped the topic. Had I been a wiser man, I would have suggested a month of not having sex so she could pray about it. Had we done that, possibly a few times, I think we would have seen much faster progress in getting our sex life fixed.
I probably knew this at the time, but the idea of a month with no chance of sex was too much for me to face because I was thinking with the wrong head. Playing the long game means making sacrifices now to reap benefits later and I was unable to do that. My weakness/selfishness caused both of us more pain than we would have had if I’d been stronger.
We all do this kind of thing from time to time and I suspect most of us have done it more than once in our marriage. The right or wise choice is often not the easy choice. We let our selfishness, fear, or pride make the choice, rather than seeing the long game and making a hard decision that would be much better in the long run. Sometimes we do this because we prioritise our wants, needs, and desires over those of our wife. Other times the better choice would be harder for both of us. And sometimes the wise choice is better or easier for us right now, but we’re not willing to push for something we know she will resist.
My suggestion is to “man up” and make the right, wise choice regardless of what it costs today. If it will be better for both of you down the road, then that’s the path to choose.
A post worth reading:
mike glenn | I Didn’t Fall. I Jumped. ◄ Real love is a choice.
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I’m almost five years in to the long game. Guess i will just have to keep patiently waiting.
Only a month without sex? That’s a piece of cake. More than once in the same month is rare. 2-3 months without is expected most of the time. It was 2 months between the last time and the time before. I’m expecting another 3-4 months before she feels guilty enough to allow me to touch her again. It would be a huge improvement if I could depend on consistent sex once a month. It still wouldn’t be enough, but it would be slightly more tolerable.
@H – Know some have it worse. But at 24 sex 1 to 3 times a month was way too little, and giving that up seemed impossible.
I got married at 24 and less than once a month was my reality from the start. You’re right. It wasn’t enough then, and it isn’t enough at now either as I’m getting close to 40. In all honesty, I would have gladly gone without for 6 months if I thought it would have any positive effect on the future.
OK, take some time to pray about it. But I think 4.5 years is long enough.