I recently realised that I’ve been making unspoken accusations against my dear wife. When I asked “Where is the gonculator?”, what I was really saying was “Where did you put the gonculator?” And while sometimes she had hidden moved it, more often she had not. Now I am trying instead to ask, “Do you know where the gonculator is?”
I realise it’s a small thing, but it’s a negative thing. And fewer negative things is always a good thing.
Are you making any kind of unspoken accusations against your wife?
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This is one thing I am extremely careful about. My father did this all the time when I was growing up and it was never a subtle accusation. I am very careful with how I word things like this. Sadly, it doesn’t make a difference in how it is received. Her response is always hostile and defensive. I reiterate that I’m NOT accusing her of anything, just asking her for help as I look for something I can’t find. Sometimes that cools her off and sometimes not but the initial response is always the same.