Your last child leaving for college or moving out will change your marriage. This is a given and your thinking nothing will change won’t make that your reality.
Some marriages thrive when it’s just mom and dad. They regain things they had set aside while raising children and fall back in love like they were years ago. Or they find a love for each other they have never had. (The latter is especially true for those who had children early or brought children into the marriage.) Others wake up and realise the kids were the only thing they had in common. Some gradually drift apart. And then there are the women who have been counting down the days, who file for divorce a month or so after the last child is gone.
You can do a lot to determine what happens then by what you do now. Fight to stay connected. Work at having common goals and hobbies. Do things together and build a solid relationship. Talk and share: know who she is now and make sure she knows who you are now. As the kids hit the age of leaving, start talking about what you will do when they are gone. Plan a great vacation you have been unable to do. Discuss turning one of the kid’s bedrooms into a study for your wife or an office for you. Or maybe you are both ready for a smaller house or a house near the beach or in the mountains. Dream together and work on some joint goals.
BTW, I’ve talked to a number of couples who say their sex life got way better after the kids moved out. When you have sex is no longer an issue because it’s just the two of you. This is even truer for where; get horny snuggling on the couch watching a DVD? Hit pause, have fun, right where you are, and then resume the DVD. If you maintain a halfway decent sex life now, you could end up with something much better then.
As I said, there will be changes. I strongly suggest you start building the post children marriage you want now before it’s too late.
“Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be, the last of life, for which the first was made. Our times are in his hand who saith, ‘A whole I planned, youth shows but half; Trust God: See all, nor be afraid!” ~ Robert Browning
A post worth reading:
The Generous Wife | Storytelling ◄ Most of the time that correction you make is unimportant and you should just stay quiet!
Image Credit: © Kheng Guan Toh | stock.adobe.com
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My wife and I are experiencing a renaissance of our marriage since we retired. We live near our son and his family, so the only thing we have to be careful of are our grandchildren who just come in without knocking. We spend a lot of time together visiting the local sites etc, working on our new house and helping each other with our hobbies.
It is so much fun and our love for each other grows more and more each day.
@Bill Harms – Good on you! we have grandsons on the same property, and they know if the door is locked memaw and ampa are taking a nap. Someday when they are teens I wonder if they will suddenly realise what nap meant!
I can’t honestly imagine what this might be like. Our oldest isn’t interested in moving out any time soon and our youngest is still over a decade away from “college age”. We’ve got a bunch in between.
Given where the country, world, and economy appear to be headed, retirement will never happen and I don’t see any of our kids ever moving out.