“Hi, I’m Paul…”
“Hi Paul”
“Sometimes I think with my penis.”
I suspect every guy here has qualified for that support group at one point in their life. Puberty hits, and all of a sudden we have a new part of our body trying to make decisions for us. Hopefully, we gain control before we get into too much trouble. I narrowly missed a terrible marriage when the actual brain kicked in and said, “This is going to turn ugly”. By the time I married Lori, I was doing better, but I still had relapses. I asked for sex when a few seconds of using the big head would have told me it was a really bad time for her. And sometimes I made way too big a deal out of a “no” because I was thinking with/about my penis rather than about my wife and our relationship.
Our penis has such a sway over us because sex feels awesome, and our drive drags us back to sex every day or so. We should control it, but we can’t stop it or ignore it. And even when we get our penis under control, it can influence our sex life in ways that aren’t good. If we get too focused on release or the pleasure of orgasm, we miss out on all the other things God packed into sex. As necessary as release is, and as great as orgasm feels, those are just what God uses to entice us to have sex. It’s the bait, not the goal! Sex is intended to build intimacy and form a stronger marriage. A good sex life helps smooth over the rough spots and gives us a point of contact. And done right, sex is amazing mentally and emotionally, way beyond the pleasure our bodies can give us.
One of the greatest obstacles to moving past small head sex is not having enough sex. It’s hard to see past the screaming physical to the more subtle part of sex when sex happens too infrequently. If you’re a wife reading along, please understand that the kind of sex you want is more likely to happen when sex is more frequent. If you’re a husband who’s not having enough sex, make every effort to see beyond the physical, hard as that may be. Know that God has more for you and seek that in any way possible.
A post worth reading:
Knowing Her Sexually | What “Take It Slow” Means to Her ◄ A perfect fit for this post
Image Credit: © Surasak | stock.adobe.com | pixabay.com & Image by b0red from Pixabay
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Awesome post, Paul. Very apt at the moment. The final sentence was particularly strong. Thank you.
I also enjoyed the podcast.
Good work.
I do not think the photo illustration used in this article was necessary nor appropriate. You can make your point without being graphic.
I am curious as to what sex beyond the physical means. My wife has MS and lately it has really been hard for her to engage in sex. We are trying to figure out what it looks like for us to engage sexually. We are in our 40s and still want have the sexual connection. We just can’t find any resources for what that looks like. Do you have any that you can share and what sex beyond the physical means?
@SC – I would suggest you check out TMB Forums https://www.themarriagebed.net/
Someone over there just posted about not being able to have intercourse due to a condition the wife has. So they use a male stroker between her legs. It’s very much like making love for both of them as far as the body contact. When the wife desires orgasm they add a vibe. It seems they are both happy with this arrangement.
Other couples engage in mutual masturbation – basically watching each other. This takes care of the physical, but can also be emotionally intimate and connecting.
I’m a husband and I disagree with this:
“If you’re a wife reading along, please understand that the kind of sex you want is more likely to happen when sex is more frequent.”
Frequency of sex is no substitute for a missing mindset that is set on learning how to open and please her. Takes a paradigm shift🙏
@Doug – Most men who want to do those things find it far easier when sex is more frequent. And some who don’t care about those things start to care when sex is not a rare thing.
What more is there than the physical? Please explain.
@BR – Emotional, mental, and relational.
Ok, what if you’re a guy who does his best to make it a good experience for her, always making sure she gets an orgasm (or several) but seldom if ever get to have one yourself? I mean, dang, it’s been since before the holidays! It also doesn’t help that you’re only granted access about once a month or so.
@Trucker Dave – Well a woman having an orgasm does not prove she wanted or enjoyed the sex. But expecting you to take care of her and leave you hanging is not acceptable. What I tell women in that situation is to tell him if he’s not going to pleasure her, shes not going to please him.
Sorry this is late, busy week. Anyway, I’m confident she wanted the sex as she initiated it. Also, we’ve been married 31 years and I am quite sure she enjoyed the sex. When you’re together that long, you can tell. I plan on telling her what you tell women in this situation, lovingly of course. Thanks, Dave