A recent Daily Reading from Wild At Heart started with the following:
Over the years we’ve come to see that the only thing more tragic than the things that have happened to us is what we have done with them.
Words were said, painful words. Things were done, awful things. And they shaped us. Something inside of us shifted. We embraced the messages of our wounds. We accepted a twisted view of ourselves. And from that we chose a way of relating to our world. We made a vow never to be in that place again. We adopted strategies to protect ourselves from being hurt again.
We’ve all done this in at least small ways. Many of us in not so small ways. And then we try to convince ourselves that we’re not reacting out of that damage. We try to justify what we say and do based on the now, when the reality is we’re operating out of past wounding.
And sadly, this is nowhere more evident than in marriages. It limits, defines, cripples, and kills marriages. All too often our pride keeps us from admitting the truth and if we can’t admit the truth we’re doomed to continue being controlled by our past injuries.
Yes, this is common for women, but it’s not at all rare for men. I think it’s easier to see in women. I also find women are more likely to at least internally understand they are acting out of past hurt. Men seem far better at self-denial.
Where are you being controlled by past injuries? How is that hurting your life in general and your marriage in particular? May I kindly suggest this would be worthy of a great deal of prayer and reflection?
Photo by Anita Jankovic on Unsplash
Shop Amazon ♦ Shop to give links page
We’re donation supported Thanks for your help!
This post may contain affiliate links, see my disclosure for info.
After years of being repeatedly and consistently brushed aside, I can’t handle rejection. I no longer initiate any sexual advances towards my wife. I can’t bring myself to make the first move ever. The fear of rejection is so overwhelming that I’m paralyzed. I know deep down that one more rejection will be more than I can handle and I will end up asking for a divorce. We can’t afford to divorce now with all the debts my wife has badgered me into taking on and divorce would ruin us both, but I know for a fact that if I have to feel that rejection just one more time, I will lose it and seek a divorce anyway.
I feel like the damage is done and there’s no going back now. I feel like I will never be able to initiate again, whether it’s with my wife, or anyone else if I end up divorced. I know that my past hurt has caused my current behavior, but I don’t think there’s anything I can do about it. Some things can’t be fixed, once broken.