Over on Quora, I was asked, “At what age do you find who you are?” It’s a great question!
As a Christian, I’d ask it a bit differently: “At what age do you find who God made you to be.”
First, I would say knowing who you are is a process, not an event. There is no moment of clarity, no epiphany. We gain a greater understanding bit by bit. Sometimes it’s more of a chunk than a bit, but it’s still only a part.
Some people never learn who they are, living their whole life as who others want them to be or tell them to be. Others start the process but stop because they can’t deal with the pushback they get from others. Very few people want you to be who God made you to be because they are invested in you being someone else. Sadly those closest to you can be the biggest problem.
As to age, I’d say the process generally doesn’t start till at least the mid 20’s, and usually not until after thirty. There are exceptions, of course. Major life events (marriage, death, salvation, job loss, or moving to someplace where no one knows you) can start the process, or advance it a good deal if you’re already in the process.
Learning who God meant you to be is a difficult journey, but it’s so worth it. Being yourself feels better than being who others want you to be, and it sets you free to do great things!
BTW, this was my year long topic a few years ago, and I have continued to add to it. You can see all of the 100+ posts on Becoming Yourself.
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Awhile back I took off some time to try to find myself, but I wasn’t there.
For what it’s worth, the issue facing the end of life (and I’ve lasted a lot longer than I would have thought, but now the signs are turning really bad) is neither regret over not having been who God created me to be, nor regret over mistakes and lost opportunities (there were a lot of both).
I don’t know who God wanted me to be; it’s possible that He wanted me as I am now. I can’t discount that.
And regret…well, bad decisions brought good ones in their wake, and the timeline can’t be unsettled or unraveled. Would I throw away the good that followed if I could have a do-over on the bad? No.
In the end, and AT the end, now is what matters. When you do your best in this moment, even if your best really sucks, I suspect that you will not be far from God’s plan.
Finding your self is a long and winding path with many forks in the road. One of the key ingredients you need is time. Time to think, time to relax, time to be what you are. The problem is most of us don’t have this time available to us. We have work commitments, family commitments, spouse commitments and the list goes on. I know for myself I rarely have time to sit down and do anything for myself let alone have time to even consider finding myself. Time is the key to it all.